Navigating the sometimes choppy waters of marriage and relationships can be tough. Misunderstandings occur and tempers flare giving us occasional feelings of helplessness and despair.

That’s why it’s nice to be able to turn to the anonymous masses that haunt the internet for help regarding marital problems. Take, for example, a 33-year-old man whose wife refuses to say anything other than the word “boobs” to him.

That’s a problem you may be reluctant to bring to your family’s attention. Your friends, as helpful as they may be, would be honor-bound to bust your balls about it. This looks like a job for the internet!

First, here is the man’s story as posted in the Q&A section of Japan’s MyNavi News website.

“I’m a 33-year-old male. The other day, my wife discovered my fondness of large breasts. Afterwards, except for the word ‘boobs’ my wife no longer speaks to me.

While learning to use Excel on the computer, she opened a secret folder by mistake exposing my porn collection. Without exception, all of the images depicted women with G-cups or larger. My wife , meanwhile, is an A-cup and quite frankly doesn’t even need a bra she’s so small.

As soon as she discovered my collection, I dropped to my knees and begged for her forgiveness, but she just lost it. Since yesterday, regardless of what I say, she ‘boobs’ is the only thing that comes out of her mouth.

Me: ‘Dinner looks good.’
Wife: ‘Boobs.’

Me: ‘I’m going to work.’
Wife: ‘Boobs.’

This is what it’s like!

How do I get her to forgive me?”

As of this writing three responses were given each with different approaches to solving this unique dilemma. The first one suggests the heavy apologizing method mixed with liberal present buying.

“First, throw out those files. I think she’ll start talking from that point. Then you have to let her know that even though you like big breasts, she has many other qualities like her personality that made you fall in love and marry her.
When she understands, let her buy her favorite thing no matter how expensive it is.”

The next person suggests lying low while letting time heal all wounds.

“In a case like this, there is a chance it will drag on for some time. At the very least, your wife is probably doubting you and wondering ‘if he’s into big breasts then why did he choose me?’
If you simply want to get your marriage back on track, make sure your sincere remorseful feelings get across to her. Time may help to fix things.
On the other hand, limiting her conversational replies to ‘boobs’ could indicate that your wife received a considerable shock. You marriage will eventually return to normal, but when trouble occurs she’ll probably bring it up again.
If you don’t want to deal with this situation again I think you should delete all those files. If you can’t do that, you could always put them in a compressed password locked file and stash them away somewhere carefully. Of course, even doing all that, there’s still a risk as long as the pictures exist.
Whatever you do, just make sure you show her how sorry you are through your actions. After that just wait and let time repair things.”

The third and final piece of advice suggests getting in touch with the wife’s possible insecurities and dealing with them through cosmetic surgery.

“When keeping dirty files on a family computer, the cardinal rule is to put them in the back of the back of so many layers of folders.
This problem might drag out for a surprisingly long time. It would seem that your wife has issues with being flat-chested, compounded by you, her husband, having a big boob fetish. From now on throughout your marriage there is a good chance this will get thrown in your face either sadly or sarcastically.
She might say things like “sorry, I don’t have big beasts at all” or “whatever, we know you just like people with big tits.” In this way, it could go on forever. Even if she doesn’t say anything you’ll be able to tell from her expressions that she feels those things deep inside. I have almost no doubt of that.
It you want to tackle this problem head-on, I recommend you get your wife breast implants. Try to say something like; ‘I’m really sorry. It’s just that a large breast fetish is a way to hold on to a maternal feeling. I don’t think I can control it. If you feel insecure compared to other women or if you want to be larger, I that that breast augmentation surgery could be an option.’
Realistically you probably can’t expect your wife to go to a G cup from an A cup, but she could probably get used to a C-cup. It would be enough for her to get her confidence back and eliminate her need hold those sad or cynical feelings about you.
A friend of mine also had a flat-chested wife. When she decided to take the plunge and get implants, her A-cup breasts went to D-cups. Their marriage has been great ever since.”

All three suggestions have their merits, but is there a perfect way to handle a wife finding your porn stash and then regressing to a single-word vocabulary? Let us know what you’d do and maybe we’ll even translate it and include it with the others.


Source: MyNavi News (Japanese)
Top image: Mr. Sato