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In a very misleading blog post titled “How to easily meet with a lot of characters at Disneyland,” our good friends over at Omocoro decided to troll their readers by taking pictures with random fixtures around the park and pretending that they met with Disney stars. The results are quite adorable, thanks to the addition of googly eyes, though many of the readers less acquainted with the site’s usual antics were woefully disappointed by the comedic content, having hoped for something of actual use.

For those who aren’t aware, Omocoro prides itself on being completely counterproductive. They are the ones who brought us such wonderful pranks as the build-it-yourself Lego bed and the life-size zebra apartment installation, as well as the ever-popular gem, a failed attempt at using Photoshop to turn their ugliest male writer into a sexy-looking lady. Usually, Omocoro saves their meanest tricks for their own staff members, but it seems someone really wanted to take a trip to Tokyo Disneyland on the company credit card this summer….

Back in 2010, Makino, the writer of Omokoro’s original report, made a trip to Tokyo Disneyland in an effort to get as many of the character’s signatures as he possibly could! He proved himself to be quite the pro, as he came home with a total of 40 names! Now that he’s lost some of his youthful enthusiasm for the job and developed a been-there-done-that mentality, it just didn’t seem worth it to wait in long lines for the sake of snapping photos with Disney’s cast of characters a second time.

▼ “I could kick all these kids out of the way, but then I’d look like a jerk…”

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So what did Makino do? He made up his own Disney characters! And, in order to live up to the promise of creating a how-to, he explained his methods for anyone to try!

Step 1: Pose with various items around the park and take pictures.

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Step 2: When you return home, use your preferred paint program to add googly eyes.

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Step 3: ????

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Step 4: Profit!!

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To add a little extra authenticity to his make-believe Disney characters, Makino went so far as to give origin stories to the items he took pictures with. Here they all are, a hilarious list of characters that Makino encountered in the park, in order of their arbitrarily assigned movie appearances!

  • The doors, Julianne and Casablanca

First appearance: Pete vs. Mecha Pete (1933)

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These siblings serve as the doors to Mecha Pete’s storehouse. Sadly, the building was destroyed by a direct hit from a missile, but the doors leave a heartwarming impression on the audience as they whistle a soft tune to comfort the people still inside, despite being in critical condition themselves.

  • Steve, the lamppost

First appearance: Hot Hot Summer of 1967 (1943)

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Steve is an electric light. When the area around him grows dim, he’ll suddenly turn on while saying “Hey, I’ve got an idea!” This joke was so funny the first time he told it that he now does it every night.

  • Greasy Pimp, the round tree

First appearance: King Mickey Moves Homes (1955)

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Characterized by his beautiful, green features, Greasy Pimp is one of many “city trees” appearing in the film. Although the character goes through a lot of hardships, such as being stuck in the snow and later caught in a fire before withering to death, you probably didn’t take note of him.

  • Pillar Man

First appearance: Pillar Man THE MOVIE (1958)

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Observe the pillar that supports the heavens! Interesting fact: For ten seconds starting at 5 hours 4 minutes and 35 seconds into the seven-hour epic, a double is called in to play the part of Pillar Man, while the usual actor recovers from poor health. Look closely and you’ll notice that for those ten seconds, the actor’s twin brother, a prism-shaped pillar, takes his place.

  • Ponce, the barrel

First appearance: Bus Driver Mickey (1962)

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In Bus Driver Mickey, Ponce is the talking barrel that passenger, Horace, brings with him onto the bus. He is incapable of moving past the death of his little brother, imagines himself as a rectangular box, just like his lost sibling, and mentions the topic constantly. In a major plot twist, Mickey’s wild driving causes Ponce to break through the window and fly off of the bus, from which point the story continues without him.

  • Reticent, the rock

First appearance: Morning Full of Rocks (1974)

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When a large number of rocks suddenly appear in the city, Reticent stands apart as the story’s protagonist. Rather than roll to get around, he scoots along the ground, slowly scraping away bits of his body. Growing ever smaller, Reticent decides to accept the natural outcome of his life choices and scrape away to nothingness.

  • Gomi Tarou

First appearance: Number 53 (1976)

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Gomi Tarou (aka. Trash Tarou) is a beast from hell summoned in the form of a garbage bin. The monster feeds off of the greed, envy, and suspicion of humans. It is not so much defeated as thrown into a space-time rift created by gathering the world’s hopes and dreams.

  • Paraso Rue, the Parasol

First appearance: Parasols are Peculiar (1989)

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Paraso comes into existence as a result of people thinking “It must be great to live like a parasol!” The character is prone to heatstroke and requires a moderate amount of moisture at its base. As a side note, despite the movie being a sequel, the theme song, Magical Mystery Boy, was so popular that CDs now sell for 100,000 yen (US$1,000) on Amazon.

  • The tree quintuplets

First appearance: Pigs and Trash 2 (1993)

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These angels of the undergrowth, all named Wada, reside together in the garden of the main character, Peeski. The third character from the right is not actually part of the family but is an evil space alien disguised as a tree, though that fact is never actually talked about in the film. The quintuplet on the far right is half-Cyclops.

In the end, Makino had so much fun with his original Disney characters, that he decided to continue the practice outside of the park as well. There was no stopping his wild fantasies once the potential for personifying everyday objects became obvious to him.

▼ Meet Donovan, the box of emergency-use sandbags!

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▼ Lucifel, the traffic cone!

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▼ Taco, the gas meter!

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▼ And finally, Bob the Building!

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Just what will these guys think up next?! Perhaps something with just a touch more originality?

Source: Omocoro (Japanese)
GIF: Quick Meme