PW 13

It’s pretty well known that lovers in Japan aren’t quite as direct in expressing their affection as their Western counterparts. It’s not that the feeling isn’t there, though, just that putting them into words isn’t, culturally speaking, seen as being as necessary or meaningful as in some other countries.

Likewise, Japanese couples’ communication isn’t characterized by two people lobbing insults at each other, either. A put-down is a put-down in any language, and no one appreciates being told something hurtful, as illustrated by a survey of the most hurtful things Japanese men and women have been told by their romantic partners.

The survey was commissioned by Anniversaire, a chain of wedding chapels and banquet halls in Japan. While ordinarily concerned with helping happy couples plan their special day, Anniversaire, along with the researchers from Macromill Surveys, polled 1,400 single men and women aged 20 to 37 as to the most painful things they’d been told by a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Let’s start with the guys’ list.

#5: “You call yourself a man?”
Otoko to shite arienai.


Ouch. Starting off with this kick in the emotional gonads, the fifth-most cited response by the men was, well, insinuating that because of something they’ve done or said, they aren’t actually men.

#4: “You don’t care about me. You’re not kind enough.”
Daiji ni sareteinai. Yasashisa ga tarinai.

PW 1

While no guy likes being told he’s too soft, being called hard-hearted isn’t exactly a compliment, either. Even the most old-fashioned of manly men wants to be recognized as having more compassion than the sort of person who punches babies and eats kitty cats. At the very least, guys want to be thought of as cat punchers, since it shows they’re tough enough to deal with their claws.

#3: “I like you, but let’s break up.”
Suki dakedo wakareyou.

PW 14

Granted, this makes more sense than “I hate you, so let’s start dating,” but not by much. The only reason it doesn’t rank higher is because it’s baffling enough that the confusion serves to blunt the pain.

#2: “It’s no fun being with you.”
Issho ni ite mo omoshirokunai.

PW 4

Like in many cultures, in Japan men are expected to take the initiative in planning dates and make sure they’re fun. Many guys take being told they can’t do that well enough as tantamount to saying they’ve failed at being a man (see entry #5, above). But regardless of cultural norms and whether out on a date or not, being told “you’re no fun” has to be pretty devastating.

#1: “You’re annoying, and I don’t even want to look at your face.”
Uzai, kao mo mitakunai.

PW 5

It’s the tack-on at the end that really makes this one sting. Annoying personality? Well, to each their own. But annoying face? That’s going to take some time to get over.

Now that we’ve seen the quickest ways to cut a guy’s self-esteem in half, let’s move on to the ladies’ list.

#5: “You know what? I don’t care anymore. Do whatever you want.”
Mou ii yo, katte ni sureba?

PW 15

Unlike the top entry for guys, it’s the preamble that makes this phrase so unpleasant. If you’re really not fine with the situation, muddying the waters of the conversation be being passive aggressive really doesn’t help anything.

#4: “It’s no fun being with you, we just don’t work together.”
Issho ni ite mo tanoshikunai, awanai.

PW 7

Proving that sometimes men and women really aren’t all that different, “it’s no fun being with you” makes an appearance on the women’s list as well.

#3: “I don’t like you anymore.”
Suki ja naku natta.

PW 8

Not much you can say to make someone feel better after that. Note that men can still appreciate a woman’s physical hotness in this situation though, as demonstrated by the lack of “I don’t even want to look at you.”

#2: “I can’t imagine us getting married or having a future together.”
Shourai ga kangaerarenai, kekkon ga kangaerarenai.

PW 9

Explicitly stating that your relationship is on borrowed time is one of the surest ways to ensure you’re just about out of it, providing he hasn’t mentally checked out already.

#1: “You don’t look good. You’re fat. Why don’t you lose some weight?”
Youshi ga warui, futotteiru. Yasetara?

PW 10

Wow buddy, did you really think she wouldn’t get the hint at just “You don’t look good” and “You’re fat?” We’d warn you to ease up, but we don’t think you’d be able to hear us from the bottom of that grave you just dug for yourself.

Thankfully, there is a silver lining to all this hateful rhetoric. Nearly half of the people Anniversaire asked “What’s the worst thing your dating partner has ever said to you?” responded that they’d either forgotten or couldn’t think of an answer. Sometimes people have to break up in order for it to happen, but negative feelings eventually fade. So should someone cut you down with one of these remarks, take some time to recover, dust yourself off, and try again. In the end, you only need to find one good partner to make sifting through the bad ones worthwhile.

▼ Good hunting

PW 11

Source: Niconico News
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