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Usually people search on Amazon to find the best deals, and not to spend a ton of money. But apparently there are people out there with a little too much cash to blow, as you’ll see after reading these hilarious Amazon Japan customer reviews for two ridiculously expensive products. We’re a bit worried for their sanity, but they sure can write some funny reviews!

1. Diamond (loose, 5.03 carot)
36,000,000 yen (US$353,808) + 756 yen ($7.43) shipping
Link to Amazon Japan

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▼”I lost it the moment I took it out of the box! I had even borrowed money to cover the cost. I never got a good look at it, but it seemed really pretty…”

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▼”I purchased the diamond because I wanted to try burning it. It got magnificently covered in soot.”

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▼”I put the diamond in my kitchen mixer with some other jewels right away, but my machine broke. The diamond’s very sturdy and beautiful.”

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Duh, everyone knows you shouldn’t put jewels in the mixer. That’s what the coffee grinder’s for.

▼”I was just in the middle of looking for some stones to put in my goldfish tank when I spotted this little gem. The price didn’t seem too bad so I ordered a bunch of them. They’re really sparkly and beautiful! But it’s a bit of a pain whenever I clean the tank because I have to drain the water slowly since they’re so small. I totally recommend these diamonds for use in a fish tank!”

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Those must be the richest GOLDfish in the world…

▼”A long time ago I saw a program on TV where they were able to smash a diamond with a hammer. I wanted to try it too, so I bought it for my own little experiment. I hit it with all my strength and it broke into lots and lots of tiny pieces. The diamond is now scattered into bits, but I had a great time! Everyone should try it at least once.”

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▼”I could finally grow a third eye in the middle of my forehead! I now have the powers of darkness. Everyone else should get it, too!”

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Great, now you too can take on Hiei from Yuyu Hakusho! Let us know how that battle goes.

▼”I bought it because I wanted to see diamond dust. I crushed it right away and blew it into the fan. The dust was beautiful but also made my room very messy. If you want to try doing this you should do it outside.”

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▼”I placed it in my shopping cart and bought it by accident. At first I regretted it, but then I gave it to my lover and she was so happy. But I do regret the cheating part.”

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Well, at least he’s got his priorities right.

▼”The postage was cheap. Our dog always used to play with golf balls, but now he won’t part with this diamond. I’ll have to wait until he gives it up before I can do anything else.”        10

If you ask us, the most outrageous part of this sale is that they’re still charging a shipping fee on top of a price like that!

2. Life-sized Giraffe Figure
622,000 yen ($6,113) + 70,000 yen ($688) shipping
Link to Amazon Japan

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▼”My wife said that she wanted a toy for when we make out at night, so I bought this giraffe. We were pleased that the neck was so long, but it broke after only one night. Recently we bought a replacement. (My wife’s height: 683 cm [22ft5in]; my height: 793 cm [26ft])

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▼”After my computer crashed during a thunderstorm, I tried to come up with lots of strategies to prevent it from happening again. Getting the giraffe figure onto my veranda was difficult, but I think it will definitely stave off the lighting with its height and two horns (technically called ossicones). Another plus is that when I’m riding the bus home from the station I can now tell where my house is since I can see the giraffe. Also, my daughters’ friends don’t get lost anymore when they come over to play because we tell them to just look for the giraffe. It was a bit expensive but a good purchase overall.”

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People really can come up with great solutions to everyday problems when they put their minds to it!

▼”I always thought, ‘I want a girlfriend,’ but I could never get one. But finally I did. Now I’m so happy. I need a stepladder when I want to kiss her, but each day is nothing but fun. By the way, this is a work of fiction.”

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▼”I couldn’t fit it into my lab so I opened a hole in the ceiling. Sometimes I climb up on it and play!”

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This guy must have the coolest lab in town!

▼”I needed a giraffe for something and was searching around. This giraffe figure is very practical! I gave it to my family and now we bring it out for fun on all kinds of occasions. If they come out with a different colored version I would love to buy that one, too.”

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Who wouldn’t want a life-sized giraffe figure?! You may run into some trouble trying to squeeze it into your tiny Japanese apartment, though…

Happy online shopping! Let us know if you find any other spectacular deals on Amazon.

Sources/Images: Kinisoku, Amazon Japan 1, 2