There’s a particularly vindictive little saying that some diet bores like to trot out as a warning to people who like to enjoy food without feeling guilty about it: a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. But according to this totally bonkers diagram that’s been doing the rounds of the Japanese internets, it turns out that the cookie you munched after lunch might be heading straight for your knees, while the dressing on your salad is about to zoom straight towards your armpits.

Wait, what?!

While in the west it’s generally accepted that a) eating more calories than you burn leads to weight gain, b) different people store fat in different areas for a variety of genetic and hormonal reasons, and c) you can’t spot reduce, it seems that in Japan things are a bit more complicated than that. According to this diagram which was unearthed from an unknown diet book and shared online, different foods turn into fat on different parts of the body.

Here’s a breakdown of this totally scientific, in no way completely gibberish diet “advice”:

Dressings and oils = armpit fat
Fried meat and wine = shoulder fat
Fries, chips, and breaded foods = back fat
Tempura = upper back fat
Donuts, stir-fry veg, and root vegetables = butt fat
Meat = thigh fat
Dressing, anything carbonated, yogurt, coffee creamer, ice cream = back of upper thigh fat
Mayonnaise = back of knee fat
Meat, MSG, salt = calf fat

Wait there’s more!

Meat, cream, butter, ice cream = upper arm fat
Hot milk = décolletage fat (Huh???)
Cheese, red meat, fish = boob fat (Don’t get too excited, ladies…)
Rice, bread, raw vegetables, crackers, soy beans, pumpkin = stomach fat (raw vegetables = stomach fat?!)
Bread, ramen, sweets, candy, sweet potato, dried fruits, boiled vegetables = lower stomach fat
Cream stew, soy milk = hip fat
Chocolate, cookies, beer = knee fat
Sweets, sweet bread, sukiyaki, boiled fish = front thigh fat
Ice cream = ankle fat

As crazy as all this sounds, this isn’t actually the only version of this diagram that we’ve been able to dig up. Here’s another one.

While Japanese ladies in particular tend to treat dieting as something of a hobby, pouring huge amounts of money into the latest and trendiest diet books, fads, pills, powders, potions and other products, we’re failing to see any logic behind this allocating of dietary calories to different parts of the body. How do the ice cream fat cells know to zoom down to the ankles? Is that their favourite place to hang out?

Japanese net users were – thankfully – similarly skeptical, with many identifying the diagrams as just another one of those psuedoscientific diet fads:

“Time to eat some cheese for a bigger bust! LOL!”

“This SMELLS LIKE A LIE!”

“I don’t care WHERE it goes, ain’t nothing gonna stop me eating bread!”

“So if I eat nothing but chocolate, only my knees will get fat? What on earth is this diagram?!”

“If you overeat anything, you will gain weight. This is stupid.”

“People gain weight in different areas, it’s not the same for everyone!”

“Why does it say vegetables make you fat?”

“Yes, this is gibberish, but it’s a reminder to eat in moderation.”

Unfortunately, though, some people took it seriously:

“I saved this diagram and will refer to it when I go grocery shopping.”

“Oh no, I’m going to have to start cutting down on bread and ramen.”

“Great, so I basically can’t eat anything I like any more.”

“From now on, I’m going to eat a lot of cheese and try to avoid everything else on the list.”

“I love eating cheese but my breasts are tiny… what am I doing wrong?!”

“I love beer and chocolate. Now I know why my knees are fat. I’ll stop.”

What do you think of this “diet advice”? Maybe we should strip Mr. Sato down to his underwear and conduct a study of his daily food intake…

Source: TwicolleGirlschannel
Images: Twicolle