A simple guide to petting cats: Now in English!

Human-cat relations have been strained recently following the Upper House election results in which Shinzo Abe and his LDP-Komeito coalition have gained greater power in the government.

The generally left-leaning cat community in Japan has reacted accordingly. There has been a marked decrease in cuteness across the country, and shouts of “kawaii!” have plummeted by 46.2 percent.

The cats have also released a statement anonymously onto the internet asking for an improvement in people’s petting techniques. If the proper effort is made by humans in Japan then they promise to lower the sanctions on adorability. We’d now like to translate and share that information with the world in case your nation succumbs to a similar fate.

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