Skype is known around the world as a convenient, free video calling service and enjoys widespread popularity in Japan. As with any online communication website, you’re bound to be contacted by someone you don’t know. If you simply ignore the contact request, nothing will come of it, but what if you didn’t? What sort of mischief would come about as a result of your imprudent actions?
This brings us to the first and hopefully last installment of what our Japanese correspondent likes to call “My English battle with a foreigner who suddenly decided to contact me on Skype”.
The following is a translation of RocketNews24 Japan reporter GO羽鳥‘s experience on Skype.
- I got a contact request from an unknown user
The other day I was unexpectedly contacted by an unknown user by the name of bunnykiss623 on Skype. The user didn’t have any information in their profile or even a profile picture. After, she told me her name was Jenny, so let’s just call her “Jenny-chan” for the time being.
First, Jenny sent over a simple “hey” with a wink mark. I replied with my junior high level English response of “Hello! Who are you?” to which Jenny responded, “hello to you too.” I wanted to know her name, so I mustered up some English and came back with “what your name?”…
That’s about the extent of my English ability, but take a look at my conversation with Jenny. There’s quite a lot of dropped conversations, but that’s probably because of my poor English skills.
Editor’s note: For your amusement and to give you Japanese learners a little bit of extra language study, we’ve kept in the Japanese translation of GO’s conversation, brought to you by Ike and Nekolas.
【Jenny vs GO羽鳥 – Skype Convo Round 1】
Jenny : hey
（ハァ〜ィ！）
GO : Hello! Who are you?
（こんにちは！ 君は誰？）
Jenny : hello to you too
（よろしくね）
GO : what your name?
（君の名前は？）
Jenny : jennifer, just call me jenny
（ジェニファーよ。ジェニーって呼んで）
GO : OK. jenny. You can call me GO. My name is GO. Where your Country？
（オッケー、ジェニー。俺のことはGOと呼んでくれ。俺の名前はGOだ。君はどこの国の人間なんだ？）
──At this point, Jenny stopped responding for some reason. The next day, Jenny sent over a friendly “heya!” but I didn’t notice it for a long time and lost my opportunity to talk. But the day after that at precisely 7:34am JST, Jenny finally got the awkward conversation ball rolling again.
【Jenny vs GO羽鳥 – Skype Convo Round 2】
Jenny : hey!
（ねえったら！）
GO : hi!
（はい！）
Jenny : hey thanks for adding me, found your name in the skype member search…24/f, you?
（私からの友だち申請を受理してくれてありがとうね。あなたのこと、スカイプのメンバー検索で探したのよ……。私は24歳の女。あなたは？）
GO : where are you?
（今どこにいる？）
Jenny : I’m from Cali/Modesto but i’m currently living in Houston
（私は米カリフォルニア州のモデスト出身。でも今はヒューストンに住んでいるんだ）
GO : are you student?
（君は学生か？）
Jenny : well I’m home for the summer from college, trying to get myself into some trouble ;) lol are you into college girls or cougars?
（私は夏休みの間は、大学から実家に帰って、ちょっと楽しむつもり笑。あなたは女子大生や、年下の男を狙う年増の女に興味ある？）
GO : I am man. and I am in Japan. and I am not student. My age 34. are you?
（私は男だ。そして私は日本人だ。さらに私は学生ではない。34歳だ。君は？）
Jenny : of course lol?I’m recently single and i really like chill drama free guys who i can show my little body off to lol, promise you won’t record me if i show you?
（もちろん笑！ 私、最近、恋人がいなくなったし、私の小柄な体を見せびらかせられる後腐れのない相手がいいの……。もし見せても録画しないって約束してくれる？）
GO : Yes. are you men?
（うん。君は男か？）
Jenny : lol ok one minute while i put on something cute, ok?
（笑。オッケ！ 今からカワイイ服を着てくるから……ちょっとまってて……）
GO : OK
（オーケーだ……）
──Well that was all a bit sketchy. Jenny’s looking for trouble and it seems she’s off trying on cute outfits for me. What is this the start of, I wonder? I just can’t wait!! What kind of clothing does a 24-year-old college student in America think is cute? I could get three square meals out of this fantasy, but contrary to what I was expecting, Jenny finished changing really quickly. She must be a clothes changing master! So now let’s bring it back to the rest of our conversation:
【Jenny vs GO羽鳥 – Skype Convo Round 2 (second half)】
Jenny : ok :) go here （URL） do u see my cam? it might just be my pic cause your not a member yet
（オッケ笑。このURLに飛んでみて。私のカメラ見えるかな？ あ、でも、もしかしたら、今そこに写ってるのは私の写真じゃないかも……。メンバーになったら見られると思うよ）
GO : Please send me your photo. now. I don’t go other URL
（今すぐ写真を送ってくれ。今すぐだ。俺は君のURLには飛ばない）
Jenny : pics are old skool hehe, i like to do cam 2 cam :) i’m online right now （URL） im the main girl u see there, type to me on the right hand side of my video
（写真なんて時代遅れだって笑 私が好きなのはリアルタイムのビデオ通信。私はいまオンライン中だよ！ 画面に映ってるのが私だよ。映像の下にチャットスペースがあるから発言してみてね！）
──She’s back! But what a weird thing for her to ask. She kept trying to get me to click on her link. From here on, will I be brought to an online dating site?! I sat there for a while, trying to decide what I should do…and by a while I mean about three minutes. I finally decided to just go for it. I clicked on Jenny’s suspicious link and…
There’s Jenny! Working. And restlessly typing on her computer! So that’s what she meant by “something cute”: a shocking orange tank top. She almost looks like she’s playing on the computer. Hmm…this Jenny girl isn’t so bad…
But if you look closely, you’ll see that there’s a chat box below. If you wait around for a few seconds, things like “Hey did you accept my invite??” and “Can you see me typing?” will pop up in the box. Gotcha…so Jenny’s typing to me!
You’ll see there’s a timer counting down to something on the very left side of the screen. I didn’t really understand what it was for, but I knew I had to do something within five minutes. But…but…I just met Jenny and now I have to decide whether or not I want to continue this relationship within such a short amount of time? I knew I had to act fast; Jenny was going to disappear in a few minutes!
As I sat there trying to think of words that rhyme with “Jenny”, the clocked ticked down to three minutes. Dang! Jenny, what should I do?! Jenny….I….um…I….JENNY!!! I couldn’t gather up the courage to tell Jenny how I felt, so I decided to save her picture while I endured the intense agony of deciding whether or not to confess my feelings. But after right clicking on her picture, I realized that it was a GIF. I’ll just put it right down here for ya:
──I realized that if you refresh the page, no matter how many times, Jenny’s video feed will show the same thing. The message that Jenny typed out for me also appeared just as it did the first time I clicked on her link. So…since she does the same thing over and over again, this must mean that…Jenny is a robotic woman. Oh, Jenny! You’ve found a place in my heart! This woman who purposefully repeats herself like a robot must be just like Rei Ayanami from Evangelion. Something sad must have happened to you, Jenny! You must have a troubled past! With the kindness and understanding of a saint, I vow to listen to your story.
【Jenny vs GO羽鳥 – Skype Convo Round 3】
GO :I went URL.
（飛んでみたよ……）
Jenny : ok ya just accpt the invite and it’ll connect us :)
（オッケー！ あとは私の招待を受け入れてくれたら、私たちは……“接続” される……）」
GO : Can you see me typing?
（俺がタイプした文字、見えてる？ ※チャット画面に書いてあったことをコピペして反応を伺ってみた）
Jenny : oh, i think you might have to fill out some stuff…everyone gets verified as being real on here, keeps the creepy people away!!! lol
（オゥ……。もしかしたら、いろんな項目を入力しなきゃいけないかもしれないけれど、そこはカンベンしてね。怪しい人を入れないためのルールだから。みんな、ちゃんとした人ばっかりだから）
──Hmm..our conversation didn’t seem to quite be in gear. But at any rate, it seemed like Jenny wanted me to register for something. But…I can’t really read English so I had no idea how to even register in the first place. As a result, I decided to utilize one of the best features of Skype: free calling. I nervously gave Jenny a call…
I had no idea what I was going to say in English if Jenny picked up the phone, but even so, I wanted to hear her voice. *ring ring, ring ring* PICK UP, JENNY!!!
Nothing. As you might have expected, she didn’t answer my call. I knew it. I just knew she wouldn’t want to talk to me. All you readers probably knew it too. However, it’s common knowledge that at this stage of your offensive strike, the “calling attack” is a very important move to show your enthusiasm. But anyway, the time for defense was over. Jenny had been playing offense, throwing unrecognizable English my way; it was my turn to take the lead.
【Jenny vs GO羽鳥 – Skype Convo Round 3 (second half)】
──Call started
──Call ended – no answer
GO : can i call you by skype
（Skypeで通話しないか？）
Jenny : k, yea i had to do the cc part too =( that how i got my profile verified as real (kiss) did u get in?
（オッケー！ 私もクレジットカードのところを入力してたわ。これをクリアしないと、あなたの申請も承諾されなくて、私との会話を続けられなくなっちゃうから……）
──It was no use. I had reached the limits of my English ability. Everything she was saying to me was really difficult to understand and hard to accurately translate. Jenny – the one who wouldn’t answer my phone calls and assaulted me with difficult English. Wait a second, I get it now….this is a battle! Alright, Jenny, bring it on! The time had come to unleash my special move. Here goes nothing…
【Jenny vs GO羽鳥 – Skype Convo Round 3 (second half #2)】
GO : File sent（gohatori32x32.jpg）
GO : File sent（gohatori64x64.jpg）
GO : Please see it.
（見てください……）
Jenny : k let me know when your signed in so i can send u some private time loving! (kiss) mmm
（会員登録したら教えてね！ そしたら、私とあなた、ふたりきりの愛ある時間が過ごせるから……）
GO : File sent（gohatori128x128.jpg）（gohatori256x256.jpg）（gohatori512x512.jpg）（gohatori512x512b.jpg）
──From here, Jenny stopped replying. My special move is actually a 10-part attack, but I only shot off six of my moves before Jenny exercised her right to remain silent. Man, but I really wanted to make it all the way through to #10…and I really wanted my face to be seen by people abroad.
By the way, the tenth photo was going to be my face coming out of my nose, coming out of my face, coming out of my nose in a boogerific Droste-effect-style masterpiece…but whatever, I’m over it.
After sending over my photos, the status said “unread”…meaning Jenny didn’t look at my pictures. She must have been thinking, “Who’s this creepy guy sending me all these pictures? Ick, I’m just going to ignore him.” What have I done?! JENNNNNYYYY!!!!
- The truth about Jenny
The next day, out of the blue, Jenny came back to me. But something was a little strange. She messaged “hey!” with a wink mark at exactly 7:34am…that’s the second time she said “hey!” at four minutes past 7:30 in the morning. When I said “hi!”, Jenny came back with the exact same reply of “hey thanks for adding me, found your name in the skype member search…24/f, you?”
I did a little searching around online and found that Jenny is actually a spam bot that’s quite well known abroad. She isn’t a robotic woman like Rei from Evangelion, she’s an actual robot! She’s so famous she has her own thread on reddit. So if you get a message from bunnykiss623, watch out. My beloved Jenny is nothing but a gold digging robot from abroad.
Original report by Spam Mail Critic GO羽鳥
Photos by RocketNews24
