Suspect felt fake bird poop was the fastest way to a woman’s heart.
Dating can be hard, particularly when making that first move on a person where the chances of rejection are dangerously high. Some people get by on good looks, while others employ charm and wit to win others over. A great deal of us, however, are lacking in both of those things and need to come up with other ways to meet people.
Unfortunately for everyone involved, one 25-year-old man in the city of Nagoya came up with a truly idiotic way to pick up women and is now facing assault charges as a result.
Last May, the suspect approached a woman in her 30s on the street and asked her for directions. While she assisted him, the man then squirted some liquid glue into her hair. He then alerted her to it, saying that it looked like a bird had pooped on her.
According to police, the man admitted to doing this to women about 10 times since last March for the purpose of “getting an opportunity to pick them up.” Now, I often have a beef with Japanese media and/or police for not asking follow-up questions that might fill in the gaping holes of logic between a weird crime and its purported motive – whether it’s stealing piano covers or building a road on a lake – and this is yet another case of this.
Comments online were at a loss as to this man’s plan, but everyone agreed it was mighty stupid either way.
“He’s a genius among idiots.”
“He thought that putting glue on someone would make them go out with him?”
“If that stuff gets on your clothes or bag, it’s really hard to get out.”
“What a gross idea.”
“Did he imagine she would be grateful if he picked the bird poop out with his hands?”
“Just use a dating app.”
“Putting glue in someone’s hair is the worst thing you could do.”
“We are sure it was glue, aren’t we?”
“He should have added a little roasted seaweed to complete the illusion.”
Putting aside the fact that the suspect already had his opportunity to ask these women out while they were helping him with directions, I tried to put myself in his shoes and follow whatever flimsy logic I could latch onto.
My two main theories are that he either would recommend going to a nearby coffeeshop to wash out her hair and the two could have drinks waiting for it to dry, or he would immediately admit to gluing her hair together as an “adorable joke” hoping she would fall for his general joie de vivre.
Hopefully, these assault charges will help him to reconsider his approach to dating and seek help from others on how to go about it legally. Since the government is so keen to matchmake, perhaps they should set up workshops for people like this guy who are clearly willing but really lack the faculty for it.
Source: CBC News, Hachima Kiko
Featured image: Pakutaso
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