For around four decades Sanrio has been pumping out character merchandise at an increasing rate. Headlined by Japanese kawaii icon Hello Kitty, they boast hundreds of characters, some of which thrive and others that just kind of hang around.
Indeed, the company has never faltered in their mission to continuously create cuteness for our amusement and expendable cash. However, to do so must require long hours at the drawing table penciling in adorable black pupils in just the right proportion to fit the squishiest round face you ever gosh darned seen.
In doing so they seemed to have forgotten what an actual human head looks like adrift in their ocean of chubby puppies and fruit-eared kitties. That has to be the only reason to explain this cardboard cutout posted on Twitter recently in which no person’s face could possibly fit properly.
This cutout is to promote the Little Twin Stars: Kiki and Lala and their shop in Tokyu Hands. Luckily there’s a sign on hand telling us that taking photos is okay, because people wouldn’t really know what to do with it otherwise.
One commenter recommended holding some ears of corn sideways, while another thought you could put an eye in each hole. Considering that last suggestion, if you squint your eyes and lean your head back a little, this sign kind of looks like an alien in a white boa, Kiss make-up, and a purple fro.
But really, these holes do seem to match the facial proportions of many of Sanrio’s starting line-up (about a 1×4 rectangle lengthwise). Perhaps people at Sanrio forgot somewhere along the way and now think that everyone’s face looked like those of their penguins and bunnies.
To see, let’s take someone’s face and Sanrioficate it. Oh I see Mr. Sato’s hand went up there.
Okay, now to put his face into the dimensions of a Sanrio character, and… Do you feel cute?
He says OK! Of course now, putting Sanrio Sato into the cutout we find it’s a perfect fit.
Might as well make Little Twin Star Satos while we’re at it. Awww, I could just eat you up!
So if you’d like to get a precious photo of your own corn on the cob, disc brake, or Styrofoam food container, why not head down to a Kiki & Lala shop at Tokyu Hands. Or, if you actually happen to know someone with a face like this, go ahead and take them too. You should probably head to the hospital afterwards though.
Source: Twitter
サンリオさん、現実の人間はそんな顔の比率してないんやで pic.twitter.com/3c1B9VKNWC
— 赤井佑輔 (@Akaisans) August 7, 2014