Being in management is difficult. Sometimes you have to make lightning-quick decisions that you later regret. However, the most valuable members of an organization are the ones that take a risk, fail, and then make success from that very same failure.
The pioneering entrepreneurs at Omocoro are just such business men and would like to share their techniques with you on how to make gold out of 100,000 errantly purchased toy blocks in the following handy guide.
Utilizing Irrelevant Stock to the Benefit of Your Company
A Management Guide by Omocoro
Chapter 1 – The Allure of 100,000 Tiny Blocks
One day, a phone call was received at Omocoro’s parent company, Burg Hamburg Burg.
“(heavy breathing) Hey, you wanna buy 100,000 tiny toy blocks? (heavy breathing)” said the raspy voice on the other end.
“What – are you high?! We don’t need any blocks!!! What do we look like, a scrap yard for misfit toys?!!” is what I initially thought about saying to the man. However, I calmly told him, “Yeah, I’ll come check them out.”
You see, the human brain is hardwired to be attracted to either large things of a large number of small things. I’m no anthropologist, but that must be the case. Why the hell else would I accept the creepy man’s offer?
I had built up an image of what 100,000 toy blocks looked like, but the reality was so much sweeter than that. Fourteen cardboard boxes were filled to the brim with plastic cubes of various colors. A burning fever to acquire these little bricks had grown inside which erupted in me saying “I’ll take all 100,000 please.”
Chapter 2 – The Honeymoon is Over
Dear God, what have I done? I have absolutely no use for these bricks, and yet I said “please” for them.
Now the office is filled with a tenth of a million toy blocks and I have to find a way to deal with them. I called an emergency meeting of upper-management.
Right as the meeting got underway, one manager said “Just palm them off on some idiot.”
But who could be stupid enough to take all these worthless pieces of plastic?
Chapter 3 – Choosing a Mark
Yoppy.
Yoppy has written numerous feature stories for Omocoro such as his Twitter guide to get celebrities to reply. He was perfect because he lived nearby (Shibuya), lived alone, and never locked his door when he goes out.
“But how do we get him to accept the blocks?” I asked.
Another manager replied, “Well, the volume is about the same as a king-sized bed. So… like tell him it’s a ‘gift-bed’ or something.”
A gift-bed was the perfect idea, and so the meeting was adjourned after about 20 seconds.
Chapter 4 – The Plan to Prank Yoppy
The prank “Yoppy Plan”’s main aims are to a) pass off the blocks, and b) create content by making an article about it thus making profit out of a loss.
The plan consists of several steps:
1) We offer Yoppy a job to “Write an article advertising a new type of bed.”
2) Sweeten the deal by saying he can keep the bed for free if he likes it.
3) We send “the bed” to his home and install some hidden cameras.
4) However, we actually send him the 100,000 toy bricks.
5) Everyone has a good laugh.
6) Yoppy will eventually realize he’s been had and give up the ridiculous task we assigned him.
Chapter 5 – Setting Up the Fall Guy
We entice Yoppy by asking him to resurrect a lame character he does that everyone hates: Big Taro Kaliyama.
We ask him to make a bogus feature article titled “Big Taro Kaliyama’s Secrets in the Bed.” What does this has to do with advertising a bed? We have no idea.
And Yoppy doesn’t care either. He’s just excited to prance around in his underwear again.
Here he is giving a preliminary interview for the upcoming BS article, in which he explains how he “wants a hard bed.” Sheesh, well, ask and ye shall receive.
Chapter 6 – Executing the Plan
Alpha team (me) invites Yoppy out for a lunch meeting to discuss the motivation for the character of Big Taro Kaliyama’s in the upcoming piece. I feign interest as he gulps away on shabu shabu.
Meanwhile…
Bravo team infiltrates Yoppy’s apartment and delivers the cargo.
All of it.
Onto his floor.
We plant hidden cameras,
and leave a note on the pile.
All set! Now we wait for Yoppy to come home.
Ha ha ha! Hmmm, he doesn’t think it’s funny?
In a follow-up interview Yoppy explains what was going through his mind at the moment he walked through the door.
“When I first saw it I was like “Something broke and leaked out!” like a cushion with beads or something. But I don’t own anything like that. Then I thought the ceiling caved in but it wasn’t that either. For a brief time I had these kind of thoughts.”
“Then, I began to think that this was some kind of joke about some article I had done before. I took a photo and tweeted it. I suddenly felt very alone and needed contact with someone… anyone…”
Chapter 7 – Reveling in Your Success
Yoppy: Hey!!! What the f@#k is this!!! (4:45 p.m.)
Harajuku: That’s the self-assembly bed you’re using for the article. We’re going to need you to go ahead and assemble it yourself. ‘@yoppymodel: Wait a minute!! This is for the bed advertising article??’ (4:50 p.m.)
Yoppy: “Because it’s a self-assembly bed you gotta assemble it yourself” they tell me. I’m never leaving my door unlocked again. (5:04 p.m.)
Yoppy: Someone help me assemble this thing!! This is impossible!! I only got this far and I’m going insane. (6:24 p.m.)
Harajuku: Try to make something stylish too. You should have enough pieces for that… RT @yoppymodel This is impossible!! (10:57 p.m.)
And so with Yoppy having another minor breakdown and the toy bricks successfully unloaded there was nothing for me to do except enjoy my long weekend. Another management crisis averted.
A Few Days Later
Eh?
Is that… it can’t be…
A bed?
A stylish toy brick bed?!
Yoppy: “It was really time and energy draining. I never want to go through that again. Quite frankly, guys, don’t do the whole Send-100,000-Blocks-to-a-Guy’s-Home-an-Make-Him-Build-a-Bed-with-It Prank again.
It’s not a prank. You guys should probably know you violated several labor laws and United Natio…”
Easy there tiger, you clearly need some sleep! Prattling on about human rights fairy tales like that. There you go…
Number of Days to Complete: 6
Number of Man Hours: 42
In Terms of Money: Approx. 450,000 yen (US$5,000) for blocks and labor
But the big question is: How does it feel?!
Yoppy: “Pffsh… hard.”
Oh.
Note: Following this, Yoppy never left his door unlocked again.
Source: Omocoro (Japanese)
▼ And with Yoppy’s newly acquired skill set he can tackle block town just like this. We already ordered a dress in his size.
