Sexy cerebellum?
By now, most people know that Japan’s fondness for English tends to greatly outstrip its proficiency with the language. But because English has a certain stylishness in sound and appearance, Japanese marketing managers and product designers love plastering it on their products, giving us the phenomenon known as Engrish.
Usually, when Engrish happens, it’s due to a mistranslation from the original Japanese, like when we looked at one Japanese hotel’s breakfast buffet that encouraged us to try its “Italian wind warm” salad and “near the broil with salt,” or the other hotel that asked us to “Please refrain from using the bathroom alone.” In both cases, there turned out to be innocent reasons for the mistakes.
So surely that’s what’s happening with this product that’s about to go on sale in Japan that’s called “Brainfucker,” right?
The manufacturer, Tama Toys, must have wanted to express the idea of “This toy will challenge your brain so much it’ll hurt.” Haha, nice try, Tama Toys, but in English we call that a “brain teaser,” but I can see how an overly harsh online dictionary might list both “fucker” and “teaser” as “person who makes you feel bad,” and you didn’t know their respective connotations.
Oh, wait, it turns out that the toys Tama Toys deals in are those of the adult variety, and Brain Fucker, which looks to be about the size of a youth volleyball, isn’t a puzzle box. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t have any buttons, slides, or switches to manipulate. There’s just a hole at the base of the brain, so what’re you supposed to…
Yes, that hole is waiting for insertion, but not of a brain stem or spinal cord. While the box says Brain Fucker, that’s actually describing the product’s user, as it is indeed a masturbatory aid for men of particular culture who feel that the most attractive part of a potential mate isn’t a big bust or curvy hips, but a sexy, sexy brain.
The box asks potential purchasers if they’re left-brained or right-brained, though it’s unclear if the item’s internals are asymmetrical or not, though Brain Fucker is described as being “quivery.” It also weighs 1.4 kilograms (3.08 pounds), which sounds rather hefty for a masturbatory aid, but that’s the average weight of an actual human brain. It seems like Tama Toys is really going for realism here, though even the company’s own announcement tweet seems baffled by what it’s created, saying:
“A large-scale artificial vagina weighing over one kilogram!
Why is it shaped like a brain, you ask?
Even I don’t know how we came up with this idea…By the way, the actual item is pink, and so realistic it’s scary…”
Brain Fucker comes bundled with a tube of lotion and goes on sale in October. No pricing details have been announced, but this is pretty much history’s greatest example of a product with absolutely no price elasticity whatsoever, since I can’t imagine anyone is on the fence and saying “You know, a lower price would convince me that yes, I do want to hump a brain today.”
Source: Twitter/@TMA_Tama_eigyo via Otakomu
Featured image: Twitter/@TMA_Tama_eigyo
Insert images: Pakutaso
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Follow Casey on Twitter, where he had to go back and triple-check that he didn’t accidentally type “Brian Fucker” in this article, since that’d be an entirely different adult toy.