grosspeen

As they say, it’s all fun and games in soccer until someone resurfaces an old picture of a soccer star’s gross public boner.

Mario Gotze, the newly-crowned hero of the German soccer team who shot the World Cup-winning score against Argentina will now, thanks to the magic of the Internet, forever be known as “that guy who got a boner in public while wearing a Speedo,” because FIFA – with its draconian control over all soccer content shared on YouTube – has ensured that Twitter-shared boner pics will circulate forever and ever and ever, but actual video of the game-winning goal will be nearly impossible to find.

grosspeennomosaic

The series of photos, apparently snapped on the sly sometime last year, reveal Gotze wearing a pair of Speedos for some reason on what appears to be a casual poolside date with his girlfriend, model and proud owner of four names Ann-Kathrin Brommel Vida. Nothing amiss so far – outside of Gotze’s fashion choice – except for the fact that he’s also pitching a raging tent in his skimpy bottoms.

We have to hand it to the guy, though. Where most men would employ one of many techniques to attempt to conceal the out-of-control peen – the crouch, the hurry-up and sit-down, the awkward bend-at-the-waist – Gotze just kind of rolls with it, perhaps realizing that trying to hide an erection in a Speedo is as hopeless as trying to not get an erection in the first place when wrestling with a bikini-clad supermodel.

Hey, we get it. We’re all human. Even well into their 30s, men get involuntary boners due to biological forces out of our control and because God is a jerk, but we hope that Gotze will learn a valuable lesson from this experience: Speedos are disgusting and are not good at concealing boners, but board shorts leave plenty of room for the tried-and-true waistband tuck even at the beach.

Source: News Matomemory
Peen photo: Twitter