Sometimes, peeing your pants is better.

It’s happened to all of us at one time or another. When nature calls, a pleasant trip in a car quickly transforms into a race against time, with your pride and hygiene on the line. But for one unidentified woman in Kasuya District, Fukuoka Prefecture, the pressure was just too much to bear and she drove right into the front window of a convenience store to get relief.

However, that was to be merely the tip of her iceberg of problems.

At about 1:35 a.m. on 8 November, a clerk was working the counter of an empty convenience store, when a car suddenly smashed into the front window. The 44-year-old driver then ran out of the car and straight into the store’s restroom.

▼ The store wasn’t named specifically, but based on the report it is very likely to be this FamilyMart

When she finally emerged, she apologized to the clerk, saying: “I really had to use the toilet” and that in her panicked state she had pushed the gas too hard.

When the police arrived about 10 minutes later, she was very forthcoming and readily admitted she had recently downed two cans of beer that she bought at a different store and also didn’t have a driver’s license.

She was then submitted to a breathalyzer test which confirmed her BAC to be 0.28 percent, well over the legal limit. Normally it would result in her license getting revoked immediately, but since she never had a license to start with, it will instead prohibit her from applying for one in the future.

▼ Some Japanese beer cans can be rather large, which might account for both her level of intoxication and need to urinate

As for the criminal charges, in Japan there are two types of drunk driving charges: “driving under the influence” (shukiobi unten), which can result in a 3-year prison sentence or a 500,000-yen fine; and “drunk driving” (sakeyoi unten) which carries a 5-year sentence or one-million-yen fine. Driving under the influence is simply determined by the BAC, but drunk driving is based on the suspect’s level of noticeable impairment, such as slurred speech or inability to touch their own nose.

I’m no lawyer, but driving through the front of a convenience store would probably make this woman a prime candidate for “drunk driving” and all the penalties that entail. This can be added onto the other potential charges that include destruction of property, obstruction of business, reckless driving, driving without a license, and – if they really want to stick it to her – trespassing, since she never asked to use the toilet first.

It’s quite a hole for the suspect to dig herself out of, and readers online were left reeling with all the details of this criminal activity.

“Now, that’s how you make an entrance!”
“I imagine this all played out like a comedy skit.”
“Yeah, that’s all bad but peeing your pants is just downright embarrassing.”
“She should have just peed all over the inside of the car. It still would have been an easier mess to clean up.”
“There is a lot to unpack here.”
“I thought they didn’t let people use the toilets because of corona.”
“They should nickname her Colt 44, because she can penetrate a wall in one shot.”
“How do we know she didn’t have to poop?”

That last comment makes a very valid point. Up until now, there has only been speculation that the suspect had to pee really badly, mostly because she was drunk as a skunk. However, the possibility does exist that an especially urgent number two was the catalyst for all the wanton destruction.

It certainly doesn’t change much in the end, but aside from the lack of injuries, one silver lining here is that up until now usually in Japan cars tended to slam into convenience stores senselessly. It’s as if the storefronts are simply magnets for bad drivers. This person at least had a purpose for crashing into one, so maybe this is a sign of improvement?

Source: Asahi Shimbun, Hachima Kiko
Top image: Pakutaso
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