It’s the breakfast of senbero champions.
Previously on Japan’s Best Home Senbero, the dark senbero lord Masanuki revealed to Senbero God Mr. Sato that he was his long-lost little brother. In a state of shock and disbelief, Mr. Sato threw himself down a trash chute but was luckily caught at the bottom by his friend Butch in a pink millennium convertible.
It was quite a life-changing revelation, but Japan’s Best Home Senbero doesn’t just find itself, so Mr. Sato got right back at it. This time he chose major convenience store chain Family Mart because they had just launched a new line of “Famimaru Kitchen” store-brand products.
He also decided to take this opportunity to craft the forbidden breakfast senbero. We normally don’t advise a senbero – which is a set of food and alcohol for about 1,000 yen ($8.76) – before going to work, unless your work happens to be finding Japan’s Best Home Senbero.
They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so Mr. Sato made his drink selection count with a 300-milliliter (10-ounce) cup of fine Gekkeikan sake for 210 yen ($1.84).
First from the Famimaru Kitchen line, he got some simmered hijiki seaweed for 128 yen ($1.12).
Then, he chose some sautéed burdock root for 119 yen ($1.04).
Next, Mr. Sato grabbed a pack of simmered taro root for 128 yen ($1.12).
There was still some room left in the budget for a pouch of macaroni salad with sliced ham for 119 yen ($1.04).
Actually, Family Mart also had a store brand known as Okasan Shokudo before, but it’s in the process of being rebranded as Famimaru Kitchen. Mr. Sato also bought some of the remaining Osakan Shokudo items as well, such as these tender bamboo shoots for 113 yen ($0.99).
There was also a small pack of smoked bacon for only 72 yen ($0.63).
And finally, a staple of senbero cuisine, a bag of edamame was bought for just 100 yen ($0.88).
Altogether, these eight items brought the Family Mart breakfast senbero right up to the line at a cost of 988 yen ($8.66) before tax.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Hold up a minute.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Everyone, stop what you’re doing.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Stop the cameras.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “I said stop taking pictures. We need to talk.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “You there! Boy! I had a very important webinar this morning so you did the shopping. Is that right?”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Thank you for doing that, young man. Yes, I appreciate it.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Thank y… But, it’s just… We’ve been doing this a long time now, right? And you know that every time I get a receipt. You know that, right?”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Look, maybe you don’t care, but I pride myself on accurate reporting of Japan’s Best Home Senbero, and I need to prove the cost of these items. Do you hear me? MY ASS IS ON THE LINE HERE!!!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Maybe if you took this as seriously as…urk.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Wait! What?!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Why are you angry?! I’m the one who’s angry here! Hey, that hurts!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Alright, alright, alright, alright… I can see that it maybe doesn’t matter.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Yoshio, I crossed a line just now, and for that I am sorry.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “I think we all need to just step back for a moment and calm down.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “No? Okay…um. Alright! I’m sorry! I’m soooooo sorry! I don’t care about a stupid receipt. It doesn’t mean a thing to me, and I promise I will do my own shopping from now on! I also really like your new haircut! You look like the guy from those prune commercials.”
Once Yoshio put Mr. Sato down, the Senbero God made us promise not to include that ugly scene in the article and “take it from the top” as he put it.
▼ Mr. Sato: “OK! Who’s ready for a senbero!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Let’s do this!”
First, Mr. Sato put the edamame into the microwave to warm up.
Then, he got the bacon ready. However, he noticed that the store brand name was Okasan Shokudo which translates to “Mom’s Mess Hall.”
That must have meant that Mr. Sato was at an industrial worksite and should abide by the proper government safety regulations.
Now that he was protected from workplace accidents, he prepared the items. Luckily, most of it was pre-made and required little actual cooking.
He was surprised at how much was inside these packets. It was a pretty good deal for around 100 yen each.
One by one, he filled each dish with a Famimaru Kitchen item.
This was all so easy, he was getting a little cocky. The next item was the pack of simmered taro root, and the Japanese word for “simmered” is “nikkoro,” a word which suddenly inspired our Senbero God to sing.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Nikkoro♪ Nikkoro♫”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Pikkoro♪ Piccolo♫”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Hey, Piccolo!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “…”
▼ Mr. Sato: “…”
▼ Mr. Sato: “…”
▼ Mr. Sato: “I’m Vegeta.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Piccolo? He’s dead.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Hado…”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Ken!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Hado…”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Ken!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “What do you mean? He never did that? Look, I’m too busy with this food to worry about all that. No one watches that show anyway…”
The last pouch was the hijiki seaweed, but just as he opened it he had an epiphany.
He realized the way he was dressed also resembled one of the great lyricists of his generation. A member of an art collective whose words to this day continue to inspire and entrance people around the world.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Dun-dununun, Dununununununah! It’s fun to stay at the…”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Y!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “M!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “C!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “A!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “That’s enough poetry for one day. Let’s wrap this bad boy up!”
Mr. Sato then took the beans out of the microwave.
And arranged them with the rest of his items.
This senbero was complete! It was certainly one of the easier ones but still took him about an hour to make with all the costume changes and dance numbers. It all looked surprisingly luxurious too.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Top of the morning to you!”
After taking his first sip of sake, this senbero was underway. First, he grabbed a slice of bacon…which…I’m just realizing wasn’t cooked at all. Mr. Sato, are you sure about that?
▼ Mr. Sato: “Don’t worry. It says it’s ‘smoked’ and besides, it’s from Mom’s Mess Hall. I think mom knows what she’s doing.”
Well, I guess he made up his mind, but we strongly recommend not eating bacon straight from the package like that. There’s always a chance it wasn’t cured or smoked enough to prevent harmful bacteria from remaining inside the meat.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Mmm Mmm! It’s like having cold and slimy bacon and eggs in the morning.”
Really though, just make it a policy to do the opposite of everything that Mr. Sato does and you’ll be fine. Hopefully the alcohol in his sake will help stave off any parasites for the rest of the day.
Everything else, however, was fair game at room temperature and the Senbero God gobbled it all down gleefully.
▼ Mr. Sato: “This hijiki is pretty good…”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Hijiiiiiiki-ck!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “…”
Overall, it wasn’t amazing food, but generally adequate. There was a noticeable improvement in the Famimaru Kitchen items over the Mom’s Mess Hall ones, so at least Family Mart is on the right track.
One stand-out was the edamame. He wasn’t sure why, but those little beans seemed especially delicious, even compared to the kind in restaurants.
In the end, it was a good breakfast senbero – not Japan’s best, but good. When he closed his eyes, Mr. Sato could imagine he was staying at an inn in the countryside.
But just as he was about to fully slip into fantasy an urgent matter occurred to him.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Aw crap, that’s right! I have to feed him!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Well, I better head on over. It’s feeding time!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Good thing I put everything on a tray.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Poor little guy… he’s probably famished by now.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “I bet he’s over in the next room.”
For the first time, Mr. Sato would have to venture into the lair of the dark senbero lord. It was a dangerous journey, but if he didn’t feed his new brother, his mom would be royally pissed off.
Inside the dark cavern Mr. Sato could see other dark figures slithering aimlessly and lurking in corners. These damned souls had never experienced the joy of a home senbero and grew into twisted creatures filled with hatred for all that is good in the world.
▼ Mr. Sato: “Hey! I brought your breakfast senbero.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Mom says you need to eat breakfast.”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Huh?”
▼ Masanuki: “Grrrrrrrr….”
Mr. Sato’s little brother Masanuki, who was possessed by dark senbero forces, was gnawing on a pickled daikon. It was exactly the same rookie mistake the Senbero God himself made on his very first assignment.
▼ Senbero Apprentice Sato, circa September, 2021
▼ Masanuki: “Fugah…”
▼ Masanuki: “Funnnngah!”
▼ Masanuki: “Nunununununu!”
▼ Mr. Sato: “Ohhhh…”
▼ Masanuki: “Nnnnnnnnn….”
▼ Mr. Sato: “You need to cut the takuan first.”
It was gross and stupid, but those are the two essential qualities of a budding senbero apprentice. Could this mean that Masanuki, despite his evilness, was on the right path to senbero redemption? Find out next time on Japan’s Best Home Senbero…if we can find any more places to buy a home senbero from.
Catch up on all our “Japan’s Best Home Senbero” articles here:
Episode #1 – Lawson Store 100
Episode #2 – Don Quijote
Episode #3 – Costco
Episode #4 – IKEA
Episode #5 – ABS Wholesale Center
Episode #6 – Aeon
Episode #7 – Kaldi
Episode #8 – 7-Eleven
Episode #9 – Milk and Cake for Dogs
Episode #10 – Hanamasa Meat
Episode #11 – Life
Episode #12 – Shokuhinkan Aoba
Episode #13 – Seiyu
Episode #14 – Amika
Episode #15 – Lopia
Episode #16 – OK
Photos: ©SoraNews24
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[ Read in Japanese ]