We Take Boob-Heavy PS Vita Game to “Boobs Ramen” for Major Boobage

Women’s breasts are powerful things. Even a small hint of them can whip men up into an uncontrollable frenzy. For example, the best-selling breast simulator game franchise Senran Kagura recently released a PS Vita edition which sold out immediately on its first day of release.

In this game you can rub the screen to interact with various large chested anime girls. While that’s all well and good, it’s a far cry from the real thing. So, our intrepid reporter Mr. Sato, having freshly hosed himself off from his last visit to “Boobs Ramen”, has returned in order to heighten his own Senran Kagura experience with the sights its owner has to offer.

Here is his report.

■ Senran Kagura is Like Playing with a Real Woman’s Boobs

But! Buuuuut! Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather play with a real woman’s breast any day of the week! I’d go crazy on those things! Man, what I wouldn’t do! Hug them, pet them, and name them George.

Alas I can’t… I have no woman of my own.

■ Real Women’s Boobs

I got it! I can go there! By using the hands-on experience of Senran Kagura with the view of a real woman’s cleavage, I can create the ultimate virtual fun bag experience without risking arrest!

■ Boobs Ramen

What better place to see some breasts than that bar run by Takako Hayakawa? I could go to her shop to see the sights while playing Senran Kagura. It’s perfect!

Takako’s place formally called “Ramen Bar/Snack Izakaya” is a great spot where you can sit back have a bowl of ramen, nurse a drink, and get an eyeful of one of the owner’s many lovely qualities.

I took a seat front-row-center.

■ Rub One Off

I immediately pulled out the PS Vita and fired up Senran Kagura. Different from the previous version, simply rubbing the screen won’t cut it. You have to utilize the PS Vita’s back touch pad as well.

This means that while holding the device lengthwise, you rub the top screen with your thumb while rubbing the bottom side with your fingers. The whole process seems very familiar yet I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. It came naturally though, like I’ve been doing it every day… at least three times.

Doing this repeatedly fast and hard will result in the virtual girl’s clothes being stripped away.

■ Working the Virtual Boobs While Watching Real Ones

While I was stroking my Vita vigorously Takako came over to see what I was doing. She’s very observant. I explained to her that it was a game where you can squeeze breasts.

“What?! Cool!!” she shouted gleefully.

Could this be? Takako not only wasn’t repulsed by my new game but was digging it. Perhaps this she is my soul-mate, my one true…

“I know someone who loves this stuff.” she said as she jotted “Senran Kagura” down on her notepad.

“Someone,” I thought “who the hell is ‘someone’?! Ohhh…”

■ Men Love Breasts

It’s an undeniable law of nature that helps sell video games, ramen, and makes the world go round. That’s why we came up with so many names for them like, cans, melons, jugs, gazonagas, hooters, balloons, cannons, unleaded zeppelins, tig ol’ bitties…

What were we talking about?

Anyway, bazookas, my brown eyed girls, honkers…

Shop info:
Ramen Bar/Snack Izakaya
Tokyo, Meguro-ku, Meguro Honmachi 4-3-14
Open 7 p.m.-7 a.m. (or until she gets tired) every day

Original Article by Kuzo & Mr. Sato
Senran Kagura Shinovi Versus: Official Site (Japanese)

▼ Slide and touch the screen to touch the breasts.

▼ Slide your hand up and down while firmly squeezing the PS Vita.
▼ Come on! Faster! Faster!
▼ Ohhh boobs… *huff* *huff* *huff*
▼ It’s co-ming!
▼ Ohhh God!
▼… pffffffff
▼ Takako: “What’s that?”