boobs

Chinese media reports that a 40-year-old man named Liu, from Jinhua, Zhejiang province, visited the doctor recently in a state of acute embarrassment about his body. Fearful of his co-workers’ taunts, he had come to despise taking off his shirt when working in the field, and even stopped going out, he was so embarrassed. The problem? He was worried about his growing breasts.

According to the estimates of his doctor, Liu was a C-cup. (Not quite sure why his doctor was sizing him up, but we have to admire the attention to detail).

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Ladies and gentlemen, the moment we have all been waiting for is finally here. For a while we thought it might never happen, but we’re happy to announce that the hugely successful Japanese charity breast-squeeze is back!!!

That’s right, the event that grabbed the attention of millions last year is set to return this summer, with both men and women in Japan’s capital city invited to put down some yen, wash up and give a pair of warm, welcoming breasts a gentle squeeze, at once making the world a better place and ensuring that the remainder of their day is all sunshine and smiles.

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The PS Vita edition of breast simulator game Senran Kagura has become an instant hit, selling out in stores everywhere immediately after hitting store shelves.

However, the question stands: With these virtual boobs in the hands of so many, how can we be sure they’re getting an authentic experience?

The RocketNews24 Institute of Cybermamography–headed by the one and only Mr. Sato–has conducted extensive research on the matter and herein submits our paper for peer evaluation.

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As our computers become more and more powerful and tools that were once only accessible to those in the industry become affordable even for the everyday consumer, the appearance of amateur-made images, videos and music is becoming increasingly common. This, as we’re sure you’ll agree, is a good thing. With the right tools to hand, almost anyone with enough time and effort can share their creative vision with the entire world.

But when the sole outcome of all this technology is a couple of girls with weird hair jiggling their particulars about for the best part of five minutes, we can’t help but wonder whether we’re doomed as a species.

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Women’s breasts are powerful things. Even a small hint of them can whip men up into an uncontrollable frenzy. For example, the best-selling breast simulator game franchise Senran Kagura recently released a PS Vita edition which sold out immediately on its first day of release.

In this game you can rub the screen to interact with various large chested anime girls. While that’s all well and good, it’s a far cry from the real thing. So, our intrepid reporter Mr. Sato, having freshly hosed himself off from his last visit to “Boobs Ramen”, has returned in order to heighten his own Senran Kagura experience with the sights its owner has to offer.

Here is his report.

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Have you ever heard of Boobs Ramen? That’s the nickname for a bar in Tokyo where, much like Hooters in the US, the most appealing aspect of the joint is always on display. But apparently the food is pretty good too. Our Mr. Sato took one for the team and went to check it out. Read More

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In their seemingly endless quest to experience the softness of a woman’s breast,  our Japanese reporters in Tokyo caught word of a store in Beppu, Oita, that sells manju (steamed pork buns) that look and, presumably, feel like boobs. 

We think you know what happened next.

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Hug pillows featuring images of scantily-clad girls are nothing new; we’ve seen full-body, butt-cheeks, laps to lay our weary heads upon, pillows with arms to wrap around yourself…

But come December this year, one hug pillow looks set to blow all others out of the water. And it’s got two very special additions that many men will love nestling in-between…

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We’re pretty sure this is exactly what Confucius was talking about when he said “The last drop makes the cup run over.”

The woman in the photo above was probably going for sexy—and you know us, we have no objections to sexy. She even pulled off all the classic maneuvers, augmenting her bust with her bra and wearing a dress with a low-cut top to show it off.

The problem is she just went too far.

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Nintendo’s 3DS ninja breast physics simulator Senran Kagura: BURST has been doing well for itself since it was released late last month, receiving a solid 30/40 from Japanese gaming publication Famitsu and reportedly outselling the first title in less than a week.

Promotional tie-ins have also been in plenty, such as last month’s cleavage-inspired gelato and the ongoing Senran Kagura sexual stimulant energy drink for gamers.

And if you still haven’t had enough lewd ninja madness, here come three “Senran Kagura Enormous Breast Hyper T-Shirts” so you can cover your entire upper body in half-naked anime girl!

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Everyone’s favorite 3D ninja breast physics simulator Senran Kagura is scheduled to make its debut as a TV anime in Japan sometime in 2013.

Judging from the first official trailer, which we’ve posted below, it looks like the anime series will also follow the story of a young group of female ninja breasts as they try and save the world from…how does Japan even get away with this kind of stuff?

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Senran Kagura is a series of ninja breast physics simulators for the 3DS that also include elements of side scrolling action. The first game was released in Japan in September 2011 to generally positive reviews, receiving praise for its exhilarating action-based gameplay and unabashed use of giant, 3D bouncing breasts in a variety of novel situations.

The game actually did so well that both an anime series and a sequel are set for release later this year. The latter, Senran Kagura Burst (which is ironically only a letter away from ‘bust’), will be hitting stores on August 30 and, to build anticipation for the launch, developers MarvelousAQL have teamed up with Akihabara cafe CAFE EURO to create two overtly erotic Senran Kagura-inspired desserts.

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