Luckily, no entry plug is needed.

As we’ve been seeing for the past year, COVID-19 tends to do its worst damage when medical facilities get overwhelmed and run out of essential equipment like ventilators. While larger supplies of this equipment is sorely needed, so are alternatives that can help mitigate the damage caused by shortages.

Now it seems as if a team of scientists from Tokyo Medical and Dental University may have struck upon such a treatment. As is often the case, it all began with the humble loach and ended with an enema named after bio-mechanical giant robots.

▼ Loaches are small eel-like fish, commonly used as food in Japan.

Those familiar with loaches will know that they can be quite durable and can even survive outside of water for relatively long periods. One reason for this is their unique special ability to breathe through their intestines – more specifically their posterior intestine, also known in some scientific circles as the “poop chute.”

It stands to reason, as this body part is often associated with the expulsion of gas for many species, from snakes to my pet dog just now… I swear it was him. And as thoroughly documented in both Jackass and the Howard Stern Show, some humans have mastered the art of inhaling air through the posterior as well, a skill which they use to fart on command.

▼ Sadly our staff has no such skills and need to resort to yams and milk to generate farts.

Loaches have taken this concept one step further and been able to efficiently absorb oxygen through their intestines which can supplement any deficiencies from normal breathing. To put it bluntly, they can breathe in through their butt.

This current research set out to find if humans might also have such an ability. If so, then an anally administered dose of O2 might give someone with severe respiratory illness a fighting chance at survival.

Rats and pigs were selected as the first test subjects of “enteral ventilation via anus” or “EVA” for short. That acronym is hardly coincidental either: the Japanese researchers were also crediting the partial influence of the anime series Evangelion, in which characters breathe an oxygen-rich liquid called LCL while piloting Eva Units.

▼ The concept has also led to a line of ASMR videos of what it sounds like in LCL.

When oxygen was introduced to the rectums of test subjects in both gaseous (g-EVA) and liquid (l-EVA) mixtures, they exhibited an improved physical condition and no noticeable side effects. Liquid was considered the ideal method as it could be administered far more easily as a simple enema.

Human testing has yet to be conducted, but the team is confident that it could work just as well. Meanwhile, readers of the news online were having as much fun as you can imagine with Evangelion themed anal medical treatments.

“Code 1145154! Beast Mode!”
“So are they saying that LCL works through the butt?”
“Psssat… Mikato-san, something is entering my butt. Psssat… Mikato-san!!! Psssat…”
“I would have sworn this was some parody news, but it isn’t.”
“Technically the whole breathing liquid thing was done in The Abyss first, but Evangelion is definitely a popular example of it.”
“Anime has taught me that it’s possible to survive by drinking water through your butt too.”
“This is a lot of information to process. Maybe if someone puts it up my butt too, I’ll understand it better.”

Yes, there’s a lot of jokes to be made about this development, but on a more serious note it may one day help a lot of people around the world dealing with serious illness and a lack of equipment. It just goes to show that our butts are precious instruments that have the power to give life and take it away.

Source: Kyodo, Med, Hachima Kiko
Images: SoraNews24
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