Never trust your boss when he’s smiling like this. Never.

It was an ordinary day at the office this month when SoraNews24 founder and slightly unorthodox boss Yoshio posed a seemingly innocent request to our ace and slightly insane reporter Mr. Sato.

Yoshio: “Mr. Sato, I’d like to tidy up the SoraNews24 apartment [a nearby room that we rent for longer assignments] a bit, so could you please go retrieve the panda stuffie that’s in there?”

▼ The face of an actual maniacal madman

Now, it should have been a tipoff because normally Yoshio wouldn’t have asked his subordinate in such a polite manner. But Mr. Sato was feeling all of the good vibes that day and he hurried off obediently without question.

▼ “Sure thing, boss! Anything for you!”

Mr. Sato: “One stuffed animal’s no biggie at all! Leave it to me.”

Mr. Sato: “OK, everyone, I’ll be right back!”

Yoshio decided to tag along for fun. Nope, not for any other nefarious reason related to the camera that he was carrying.

After a bit of a walk they got to the SoraNews24 apartment.

Mr. Sato: “I’ll be right back, Yoshio, so you can just wait outside.”

30 minutes passed.

Yoshio was biding his time down the road when he finally spotted Mr. Sato in the distance. Something looked not quite right, though.

▼ “Mr. Sato”

Something massive was engulfing Mr. Sato so that only his two legs poked through.

The giant blob continued to draw steadily closer and closer.

Now, Mr. Sato has been known to cart around some giant things, but this was a new one!

It was indeed a panda stuffie, but the most massive one he had ever seen.

To top it off, the giant panda was holding a couple baby pandas.

Mr. Sato was NOT pleased.

Mr. Sato: “WHAT THE HELL, MAN?!?!”

Mr. Sato: “Are you trying to kill me by asking me to carry this giant thing in the midst of all this heat?!”

Yoshio: “You said you could handle it by yourself. Don’t go back on your words.”

Mr. Sato then proceeded to practice his best French.

Once he had calmed down a bit, he moved to hoist the panda back onto his back.

Mr. Sato: “It’s hot, it’s heavy, and it’s hard to hold.”

He started walking again, but the office had never felt further away.

Yoshio, for his part, did nothing but continue to offer up some motivational encouragement.

Yoshio: “It’s gonna get dark soon if we don’t hurry up!”

Mr. Sato: “You [BLEEP], we’ve been partners for 13 years and you’ve never done something this heinous to me before!”

Mr. Sato: “Seriously, for the love of God, let me rest for a sec.”

Yoshio: “C’mon, we’re not even a third of the way there.”

Mr. Sato: “1, 2, URF…!”

Mr. Sato: “Yoshio, you KNOW that I’m a good ten years older than you…right??”

Yoshio: “Yeah, but so what? You’re in the best shape of your life [since taking poledancing lessons].”

Mr. Sato: “…”

A short walk later:

Mr. Sato: “I need to rest.”

Yoshio: “Again? Really, man?”

Mr. Sato: “Shut up.”

Mr. Sato: “We’re still not even halfway there. It’s too far.”

Yet again, a short walk later:

Mr. Sato: “REST.”

Yoshio: “OK, it really is gonna get dark soon. Cut the crap.”

Mr. Sato: “You’re the one who needs to cut the crap with this ridiculous assignment.”

Mr. Sato: “I think I can…I think I can…”

Mr. Sato: “I’m the only one that I can trust in now.”

Yoshio: “…What are you mumbling back there?”

For the third time, a short walk later:

Yoshio: “ANOTHER break?!”

Mr. Sato: “…”

Yoshio: “You’re really an old man, huh?”

Mr. Sato: [pointedly ignoring]

In a fit of Super Sato rage, Mr. Sato then tried running, but didn’t make it very far.

Mr. Sato: “[BLEEP], I just used too much energy. I’m gonna rest in that park over there.”

Yoshio: “So you’re saying that we’re actually losing time despite you running?”

Mr. Sato: “Say whatever you want. This is my battle now.”

Mr. Sato: “There you go, you guys take a break, too.”

Mr. Sato: “I’m DEAD.”

Mr. Sato: [muttering to himself] “I think I’m actually doing quite well. I’ll be 50 in just two years, after all, and I’m the oldest in the editorial team. Why not make the youngest, Ahiruneko, do this instead? Why does Yoshio always single me out for the hardest stuff?? [BLEEEEEP BLEEP BLEEEEEP]”

Mr. Sato: “OK, I feel better after swearing a bunch. I’m in the home stretch, too!”

By this time, the rest of the team had learned of the evil assignment and came outside to celebrate Mr. Sato making it all the way back to the office.

Mr. Sato: “It is kind of nice to have friends who can cheer you on…!”

▼ Commemorative photo. That’s office “youngster” Ahiruneko directly above Mr. Sato.

Now that his cruel mission was over, Mr. Sato was ready to collapse, and didn’t think the friendly pandas would mind if he used them for a bed.

And so, Mr. Sato successfully completed his assignment. He’ll only hold a grudge against Yoshio for the rest of his life, but he also knows that there will be plenty of chances for sweet revenge in this particular line of work.

As a bonus, please enjoy this short gallery capturing Mr. Sato’s first moments in the SoraNews24 apartment struggling to extract the giant panda.

▼ Butt first?

▼ It BEARly fit through the door

▼ Mr. Sato regretting every nice thing that he’s ever done for Yoshio

For the foreseeable future, Mr. Sato also thinks that he’ll stick to being in a position of power in the office and not take on any more seemingly innocent requests without a great deal of questioning.

All images © SoraNews24
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[ Read in Japanese ]