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In Japan, Christmas is a romantic couples’ holiday on par with Valentine’s Day. Families gather over New Years, but on December 24th and 25th, couples go out for romantic dinners and singletons pine for someone to share the Christmas spirit with. Of course, some people don’t let the lack of a real world romantic partner stop them from feeling some holiday love.

On popular message board Himasoku, an anonymous user posted “live coverage” of his Christmas date with his virtual girlfriend. Spoiler alert: things get very naughty.

Things start out with a selection of Christmas cakes, a common way to celebrate in Japan. We’ll translate their dialogue for your enjoyment.

▼ Him: “It’s Christmas!” Her: “Yes.”

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▼ Him: “Open wide!”

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▼ Him: “You eat so fast! It’s cute. Don’t eat mine too!”

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▼ Him: “Whew, I’m stuffed!” Her: “Um, do you want to go over there?”

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▼ Her: “How far do you want to go today?”

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▼ Her: “Because I was kind of hoping we could go all the way…”

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And here’s where things get a little weird… er, weirder.

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▼ Him: “Are you sure?”

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▼ Him: “Oh my god, I love you, I love you!”

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▼ Him: “Uh… uh… ugh.”

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As one of the Himasoku commenters put it, “That is just absurd.” Yes. Yes it is.

Merry Christmas from Japan!

Source and images: Himasoku