The “Party Lucky Bag” from Amazon wasn’t quite the party we were expecting

It’s Masanuki’s party bag and he’ll cry if he wants to.

Now that January is in full-swing, the steady stream of lucky bags and their reviews is just about over. However, there was one particular bag left to open that our writer Masanuki Sunakoma purchased on Amazon. You might recall that Masanuki has a habit of buying the lowest rated items form the online retailer, and even though this bag was unrated, the algorithm must have assumed it was right up his alley.

It’s name alone should give you an indication of why our writer was compelled to buy it: The Party Lucky Bag for Funny Carrying-on Banquet Entertainment Party After-Party Gag Trending Mood-Maker Career Advancement Item Street-Smart Impact Item Uninhibited with the Power of Alcohol! It’s up to you to get drawn into a vortex of laughter (for carrying-on) (for extreme carrying-on).

If this bag had only promised one of those things Masanuki would have been sold, but all of them?!

Just like some of his past purchases, this New Year’s lucky bag was fashionably late to the party and took a little longer to arrive than the others. When it finally arrived at his home, our reporter was so excited he got dressed and hurried to the office to show everyone. If anyone would appreciate this bag full of hijinks and hilarity, it’d be his fellow co-workers.

However…

When Masanuki arrived, the office was empty. The silence in the office was made even more deafening by the gentle blanket of snow that was falling outside.

It seemed that everyone in the office had gone out to enjoy the rare weather phenomenon in Tokyo.

It looked as if Masanuki would have to have a funny extreme carrying-on career-advancing banquet entertainment party all by himself.

He opened the black plastic sack and a chaotic mess of items spilled out onto the floor.

What immediately caught his eye were what appeared to be six leather riding whips, or “Rose Whips” according to the product name. They were like the ones six dominatrixes might use.

Strangely, there was only one leather mask that a dominatrix might use. Perhaps this bag was for a six-armed dominatrix? That would be pretty cool, but there probably aren’t enough of those out there for this bag to be economically viable.

And to mix in a little ecstasy with his agony, this bag also included three feather teasers.

There were also two packs of sexy fishnet stockings. They were so sexy we can’t even show you the picture on the package without having restrictions placed on the site.

Some handcuffs were in there too.

This was beginning to look like a very specific type of banquet entertainment, but then there were some completely random items like Umbrella Corporation coasters, a jump rope, and pack of “Cock Mint” gum…because it has a gag toy cockroach inside, though considering everything we’ve seen so far, you’d be forgiven for thinking otherwise.

There were also three packs of elaborate nail trimmers…

And a mechanical toy rat.

Masanuki was suddenly relieved that no one was in the office at the time. Things can get pretty loose around here sometimes, but whips and handcuffs might have been crossing a line and the stocking package alone would have violated some prefectural labor standards.

Frankly, this lucky bag didn’t really live up to its extremely long name either. Maybe some people would consider this stuff the makings of a killer party, but not Masanuki. Still, he didn’t to it to all go to waste, and since there was no one around…

With his full-body fishnets and pink leather mask, Masanuki channeled the spirit of a Parisian cabaret performer in pre-war Pigalle, and danced among the workstations.

As he strutted around, the words on the Amazon product description page flowed through his mind. They said: “This lucky bag is a small price to pay for the chance to leave your mark on important places of human interaction! Cheap! A must buy!”

▼ “There are plenty of items to make adults happy. Come on, get stupid!”

▼ “It’s up to YOU to get drawn into the vortex of laughter.”

▼ “Our company is not held liable in the event you fail to harness the subtlety of these entertaining items properly and lose friends or employment opportunities.”

Four hours later, everyone returned from playing in the snow and got back to work, completely unaware that just a short time earlier a young and sweet dancing queen was having the time of his life in this very spot.

Masanuki wished he could “get stupid” in front of the others, but the risk was simply too great. His spirit had imbued the room though, and even though they couldn’t see him, his presence could be felt on some level.

In the end, like his other lucky bags had, this one taught Masanuki a little more about himself. If you too would like the same experience, these bags can easily be bought from Amazon for 3,980 yen (US$34).

He doesn’t really recommend them, but they are out there.

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