Going to the toilet was too much as hassle for the suspect, but hauling it across town…

An age-old dilemma that has haunted humanity for centuries is what to do with 13 liters (3.4 gallons) of urine. Conventional wisdom might advise against accumulating that much pee in the first place, but hindsight is 20-20 and doesn’t help someone dealing with this much golden liquid in the moment.

So, where does one put so much urine? A toilet comes to mind, but I suppose if that were an option this wouldn’t be a problem in the first place. We already, firsthand, ruled out drinking it. A tree or shrubbery could work, but when dealing with such large volumes it could backfire.

Perhaps some of these ideas floated through the head of a 46-year-old security guard in Fujinomiya City, Shizuoka Prefecture before he ultimately decided on a place that’s often used in the same sentence as “waste.”

▼ A pachinko parlor!

On 6 November of last year, staff at a pachinko parlor in the Nakaharacho area of Fujinomiya came across an abandoned cardboard box in the facility’s multi-story parking garage. Inside the box was a collection of 27 plastic bottles ranging from 500 milliliters (17 ounces) to two liters (68 ounces) containing a grand total of 13 liters of urine.

An either really involved or really low-priority investigation was launched and police managed to track down the producer of the pee using surveillance cameras. On 24 May of this year they finally found their man and arrested him on charges of violating the Waste Management Law.

According to police the man said: “It was a bother going to the toilet, so I saved it. But I had trouble disposing of it, so I threw it away at my favorite pachinko parlor.”

▼ He must have a love-hate thing with it

Readers of the news were naturally amused by the absurdity of it, with some comments suggesting the suspect may have been a “bottler.” This is a Japanese term for a person who gets so engrossed in an online game that they can’t tear themselves away long enough to use the toilet, and…well, the name really says it all.

“What does this guy guard?”
“I never tried to pee in a bottle before. I looks really hard.”
“Is there some kind of instinct behind this, like hoarding or marking territory?”
“Truck drivers just throw it out the window.”
“We got a bottler…”

“Even if you throw it away, why in a parking lot?!”
“So he was playing a game, right?”
“Maybe he didn’t want to waste water by flushing.”
“Just pour it into a public toilet somewhere.”
“Reduce, reuse, recycle.”
“If you’re planning to gather that much at once, it’s probably worth investing in a gas can.”

A gas can would be a good investment, or perhaps one of those old-timey hollowed out sake gourds for a touch of class. Then again, such forethought is probably a little too much to ask of someone who can’t be bothered to operate a toilet.

Probably the only way to deter this behavior is to remind everyone that police in Japan do not take waste abandonment lightly. Whether its pee in plastic bottles or poop in bento boxes, they will find you…unless they have something better to do at that time.

Source: Terebi Shizuoka, SBS News, Itai News
Top image: Pakutaso
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