Suspect was 42 years old. His pee was at least five.

In the Japanese hazardous material response system, the people are represented by two separate but equally important groups: The police who investigate crime, and the firefighters who protect the public from dangers. This is one of their stories.

On 26 October numerous people began reporting a highly foul odor in the vicinity of JR Akashi Station in Akashi City, Hyogo Prefecture. The Akashi Fire Department rushed to the scene and investigated what was described as an intense ammonia smell. There, they traced the funk to some liquid that had been dumped in nearby shrubbery.

Hyogo Prefecture Police also arrived on the scene and each department took samples of the liquid for analysis. The police lab ran a test for toxic components but found none. Instead the fluid was found to have contained elements commonly seen in human urine.

▼ Re-enactment of the forensic analysis

A subsequent investigation by law enforcement traced the pee back to a 42-year-old part-time worker who lived in Akashi. He reportedly admitted to the crime saying, “I dumped my own pee,” adding, “I thought it would be nourishing as a fertilizer,” and “I got it from my mother over five years ago, and it seemed like a waste to just throw it away.”

Those explanations that somehow makes everything even more confusing. Was it his pee or his mother’s? If it was his, why was his mom holding on to it? Why would he choose to “fertilize” the heavily developed side of Akashi Station and not the 135-acre park covered in trees right on the other side of the station?

▼ Bush where the horrible, horrible pee was dumped

▼ Ginormous park about a three-minute walk from the dumping site

Needless to say, people online had a lot of comments about this.

“The smell…”
“That’s some vintage urine. Must have mellowed something awful.”
“Amazing. Urine becomes very powerful after a few years.”
“I don’t get it. He got his own urine from his mother?”
“That is a chemical weapon.”
“I feel bad for the lab people who had to analyze the stuff. Thank you for your service.”
“He was marking his territory.”
“He got arrested for that? People puke and poop on the street all the time.”
“He should have sold it online as an ‘Akashi 20-year single malt.'”
“Sounds like he’s a bottler.”

“Bottler” is a Japanese term for a person who plays online games so consistently that they pee into bottles rather than step away from the screen for even a moment. This actually might explain a lot, including the suspect’s piss-poor knowledge of agricultural practices which, by the way, resulted in all the shrubbery that came in contact with the pee getting cut down and incinerated.

The suspect is currently facing charges of damage to property. However, the fire department had run their own analysis of the pee, finding hazardous sodium arsenite and ammonium perchlorate in the process. This may lead to further criminal charges for violating the Poisonous and Harmful Substances Control Act.

And so, Japan is once again safe from the threat of offensive urine, but not because of luck or divine intervention. It is only through the tireless work of the nation’s fire and police departments that filth is kept off the streets and in the toilets where it belongs.

Source: Kobe Shimbun Next, Itai News
Top image: Pakutaso (edited by SoraNews24)
Insert image: Pakutaso

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