Our writer’s scheme to keep the birds off his balcony backfires in a spectacularly birdbrained way.

As one might expect from someone with the kanji for “bird” (鳥) in his name, our Japanese-language reporter Go Hatori (GO羽鳥) likes birds and enjoys watching all of their funny antics. However, just like how family members can quarrel, recently he’s been hearing a couple of lovey-dovey pigeons cooing on his balcony that leave behind a few too many droppings after one of their dates. This simply would not do for Go, who prides himself in keeping a spotlessly clean living space.

He’s already tried placing a device outside which emits ultrasonic waves that are supposed to repel pigeons, but it was a massive failure. For his next strategy, he purchased a plastic crow figure for 999 yen (US$6.24) on Amazon Japan that should scare away pigeons, crows, and other birds.

  ▼ If you’ve ever seen the large-billed species of crow that lives in Japan, you know that they are not ones to be messed with.

It was lighter than it looked, at only 200 grams (7.05 ounces), which made it ideal for hanging up or standing upright.

At 38 x 12 x 23 centimeters (15 x 4.7 x 9.1 inches), it was a decently sized corvid creation as well.

Go played around with where to place the crow on his balcony–such as on one of his planters–so that the pigeons would see it and be spooked away.

He also didn’t want it to be too conspicuous where it might get in his way, so he settled on subtle places that would make you go, “Oh, it’s a crow!” if you saw it.

This tactic certainly worked well on himself whenever he stepped onto the balcony without thinking and then did himself a startle.

Just when he was starting to think that maybe the product’s description should include scaring off one “Go Hatori,” he heard something–but it was different than the usual “coo coos” he hears. He peeked outside and spotted some kind of bird in the branches of one of his plants.

  ▼ Top arrow: mystery bird, bottom arrow: crow figure

It was a juvenile white-cheeked starling, called mukudori in Japanese, chilling like a feathered villain.

It seemed to have arrived with its parent and was taking a quick rest.

That didn’t stop it from winging it a bit.

The parent was now nowhere in sight, so it was probably waiting for its return. Maybe the crow figure was babysitting…?

Go couldn’t help it–he thought it was cute. It reminded him of a preschooler eagerly waiting to be picked up at school.

The little guy probably appreciated having a place to hide among the leaves while waiting.

So while the jury’s still out on whether the plastic crow has taken care of Go’s pigeon problem or not, it appears that it has actually invited another species of avian to his balcony. Maybe he should just give up at this point and recognize that all birds of a feather should flock together–either that, or it’s time to break out his batting cage on the balcony to scare them off.

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