Other books leave out key phrases like “Isn’t the president of your company a Reptilian?”, but not this one!

Not everyone stays in the field for an extended period of time, but a large portion of foreigners who live in Japan have spent at least some time teaching conversational English to Japanese students. Individual experiences and satisfaction levels vary wildly from person to person, but just about everyone who’s taught English in Japan has at some point been saddled with a textbook that, linguistically accurate or not, is God-awful boring in the dialogues and situations it presents.

However, coming soon is an English phrase book that looks to shake things up, thanks to monthly magazine Mu, which is publishing the Official Mu Practical English Conversation for Super Everyday Situations. The focus on linguistics might make you think that Mu is an education or travel periodical, but nope. Mu is a magazine that peddles tales of the occult and conspiracy theories, and its English-learning book seeks to equip users with the necessary vocabulary and grammar to handle situations such as reporting ghost or alien sightings, discussing past lives, or establishing a New World Order.

Among the phrases students will learn are:

“I need to get another room, because I’m seeing a ghost in here.”
“I can’t get rid of the smell of the blood, no matter how hard I wash my hands.”

“I believe that we were both Atlantians in a previous life.”
“This contract period includes your nest life.”

“Can I get the insurance money if a kaiju appears and tears my house into pieces?”

“Ancient people could levitate gigantic stones using sound vibration.”

“I really want you to have this cursed doll, which has been passed down in my family for generations.”

“Isn’t the president of your company a Reptilian?”

Skimming through the index reveals that among the other topics covered are alien autopsy films, ancient nuclear war, chemtrails, the Chupacabra, contracts with devils, crystal skulls, and exorcisms, so by the time they’re finished with the book, students should have a well-rounded crazy-talk vocabulary.

The Official Mu Practical English Conversation for Super Everyday Situations goes on sale August 23, and is available for preorder from Amazon Japan here, priced at 1,296 yen (US$12), making it an affordable way to spice up your English lessons, though probably not likely to improve your students’ scores on any standardized tests.

Sources: Mu, Amazon Japan
Images: Amazon Japan
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