We learn what to do when a shark attacks, and that the Japanese Self-Defense Forces enjoy giving each other piggy-backs.

Unless Article 9 of the Japanese Constitution is one day changed, the Japanese Self-Defence Forces are limited to a purely passive, defensive role. Without any wars to fight, training and maintaining a level of readiness takes up most of their time, but what with the lack of casinos on their bases, unlike their American military counterparts, they seem to have plenty of time left over to make instructional videos to protect the Japanese populace not only from foreign attack but also from a host of other threats to life, and health.

The JSDF, as they’re also known, have their own YouTube channel full of useful tips and hints so that even keyboard warriors can benefit from some martial know-how, such as how best to carry a wounded comrade, how to stack up boxes full of provisions or manga, or what to do when you inadvertently jump into a swimming pool while still wearing all of your clothes.

As the video explains, the optimal way to carry your injured friend or battle-brother is the piggy back, but if they’re unconscious it’s not quite so easy. That’s where the fireman’s lift comes in, by rolling your dazed colleague onto their front, then manhandling them to an upright position you can sling them over your shoulder like a regimental soldier. The video explains that in most cases you’re better off not moving the injured party and calling help but in dire straits like when you’re taking enemy fire or your drunken friend isn’t likely to make the last train of the evening, you’ll now know.

▼ Military-endorsed piggy-backs, at least for injured colleagues who are still conscious.

▼ Or for those who have lost consciousness, the fireman’s lift.

The videos also cover dangerous situations that help as much in ordinary, civilian life such as how to put out a fire; how to repair broken wires, as useful for headphone cables as for setting up demolition charges presumably; and how to make a strong, long-lasting fort with sandbags although presumably less effective for pillow forts.

The video shows that the trick is laying the sandbags alongside each other like bricks in such a way that they overlap slightly and form a flat surface, and then tapping them to make the sand or soil inside as dense as possible. The gloved defenders then show off their completed wall, and call on viewers to give it a go themselves.

While the next video looks like the SDF synchronised swimming team have forgotten their swimming costumes, it actually gives advice about what to do if you fall off a boat fully-clad, or jump into a pool without getting undressed. It explains that rather than trying to organise a game of strip poker, or just frantically disrobe, it’s better to stay as you are as the air in your clothes is both buoyant and a useful insulator of body heat. Without panicking you can gently glide backwards in the water, taking care not to waste valuable energy. While the video doesn’t mention it, taking off your shoes is a good idea though.

▼ Don’t waste energy trying to rid yourself of your clothes, save that for a back crawl to safety.

Lastly, should you be so unfortunate to fall into shark-infested waters, the Japan Self-Defense Forces also have some advice for you.

As sharks don’t like loud noises you should flap about in a tizzy, and shout as loudly as you can under the water, presumably something derogatory about the shark’s lineage so as to undermine its confidence.

▼ Some things the JSDF practice for are too dangerous to use serving personnel, so expendable illustrations bravely stand up to do battle with sharks.

This week the channel also released a video stating the next enemy of health and national security the JSDF will be taking on with their Life Hack videos: obesity and slowing metabolic systems.

The YouTube channel is actually the official recruitment channel for the Japan Self-Defense Forces and features actual serving men and women. So if you like giving piggy-backs, rubbing yourself vigorously (to stay warm) and access to camouflaged bento lunchboxes, and you’re a Japanese national, your country needs you to make entertaining and educational videos. Or if you’re American, you could join up to get in on the dancing action.

Source: YouTube/自衛官募集チャンネル
Top image: YouTube/自衛官募集チャンネル

Insert images: YouTube/自衛官募集チャンネル (1, 2, 3)