While waiting for the train, there’s always one spot he hopes will be empty when it comes.

Today, we’re featuring the writing of a special guest columnist, Ryoku. Ryoku works as a producer in the TV industry, and his hobbies include singing karaoke and traveling the country in a search for Japan’s tastiest gyoza.

Ryoku also happens to have glaucoma, and has been almost completely blind since about four years ago. In this article, he’d like to talk about his experiences riding the train as someone with impaired vision.

“You can’t see, but you still work in the television industry?”

Sometimes even I ask myself that, but it’s thanks to the support of people around me that I’m able to continue in this line of work. On the other hand, even though I receive help from so many people, I’d like to talk about some of the things I can do on my own and what I’ve noticed while doing them. One of those things, which I want to talk about today, is the best spot for me to be at inside a train.

I use a white cane when taking the train, and each time I do I end up thinking the same thing: It’s a huge help for me if there are empty spaces inside the train right next to the door. Those are the best places for me to ride in. You could even say that after I became unable to see, standing next to the door was one of the first places I found where I could feel secure.

I usually get on the train a little past 9 a.m. Even if there are some days when it’s still crowded, at that time usually it’s not all that packed. I’d say there’s about a 50-percent chance of having an empty spot next to the door where I can stand, so when I’m waiting on the platform for the train to arrive, I’m usually thinking about whether I’m going to be lucky that day.

When the train stops and the doors open, I don’t get on right away. First, I focus all my attention on what I’m hearing. Can I hear footsteps of people getting off? Can I hear voices of people talking inside the train? Can I hear air currents rustling? Usually, though, everyone is pretty quiet.

In movies and manga, there are a lot of stories where someone loses their eyesight and then their other senses become sharpened. Unfortunately, in real life it’s not that simple. I didn’t realize this until after developing vision problems, but you always have to be paying attention. Is my footing safe? Am I going to bump into someone? What was that sound I just heard? And, of course, where exactly am I right now? There’s hardly ever a moment when I can relax and stop asking myself these kinds of questions.

This is all before even getting on the train, At this point, I’m already using about 60 percent of my mental capacity. Once the train does come and it’s time to get onboard, that gets kicked up to 100 percent. When the doors open, I gather my resolve and stretch out my left hand…and if I feel someone else’s hand inside the train, I think “Ah, no luck again today.” If someone is standing inside the train to the left of the door, it’s a pretty sure bet that someone will be standing on the right side too. As everyone knows, the spots right next to the door are popular spaces for commuters. So I end up standing right in front of the door, and that means that at every stop along the way to where I’m going, I have to get off the train, then get on again, so that other people can get on and off too.

I could solve this by going further into the train, but honestly that’s really frightening for me. The more I move, the more chance there is that I’ll bump into someone, but what I’m even more worried about is making other people do more to accommodate me. There have been many times when someone has helped me find a hand strap or given up their seat so that I can sit in it. I really appreciate their kindness, but having to be in a state of continual reliance on them is tiring. If I move farther into the train’s interior, I have to start saying “Excuse me” and “Thank you.” I bump into people. I apologize. I bump into someone else. Then this terrifying game repeats when the train gets to my destination and I have to get off. To other people, it probably looks like a peaceful scene, but actually, I’m moving around the train constantly appreciating, apologizing, and feeling frightened. I’m in a state of serious panic.

On occasion, a thoughtful person standing by the door will say “You can stand here” and give me the spot. At those times I tell them “Thank you” from the bottom of my heart, and accept their offer. Standing next to the door makes it easier to understand where I’m at inside the train, and I can feel my mental HP quickly refilling. When other people need to get on or off the train, I can just stand up straight so I won’t block their way. I don’t have to concentrate on anything else until I need to get off. It’s one of the few places where I can feel relaxed and secure.

Recently, I’ve also started putting this card on my bag.

▼ 運動不足なので立っています = “I am standing because I don’t get enough exercise,” and the red tag is Japan’s Help Mark badge, indicating that the bearer may be in need of assistance.

This is my personal reason for standing. The card has turned out to be more effective than I’d expected, though. Seeing the card, people seem to think “Oh, this person doesn’t want to sit,” and that’s made standing by the door even more comfortable for me.

There’s a downside too, though. A few times a month, I go back to visit my parents’ house, and the train ride to get there takes about an hour and a half. Obviously, somewhere in the middle of the ride I start wanting to sit down, but no matter how many empty seats there are on the train, none of the other passengers tell me that there are places to sit. Well, that’s to be expected though, isn’t it? After all, I’m the one who, all on his own, let them know that “I am standing because I don’t get enough exercise.” Plus, having put the card on my bag, it somehow becomes a point of pride, so I can’t say “You know what, I actually do want to sit down.” Sometimes, people end up struggling in the situations they set up for themselves…

In talking about all this, I’m not asking for anyone to change the rules about riding trains. It’s just that, if the space next to the door is empty and I can stand there, it makes it a little easier to get around that day, so the next time I’m waiting on the platform and the train comes, I’ll be listening as the doors open, and stretching out my hand to see if that space is available.

Top image: Pakutaso
Insert images: Pakutaso (1, 2), SoraNews24
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