Just over a month ago, the official site for one sensational English tabloid released an article titled Asian Women Reveal Secrets to Keeping a Man Happy. In no time at all, the page racked up 3,900 Facebook likes and more than 600 comments for its glorified insights.

When a reporter from our Japanese sister site Pouch, Yamakawa Hotaru, caught wind of the article and gave it a read, she expected to find words that she could relate to, being an Asian woman herself. However, even she was put in her place by the rules described. Before exploring to her full reaction, let’s take a look at what the original article had to say about building satisfying relationships.

The article in question appeared on Weekly World News and used ideas listed in the book, Maxims for Teaching Women, by Thai philosopher Sunthron Phu (male). Apparently, these guidelines have been passed down through many generations of Asian women and updated to retain their relevance in this modern age.

Here are the main 14 rules to teach Western women how to connect with men and build a satisfying relationship with their boyfriend or husband:

1. You man is your king
Never forget that your boyfriend gets top priority. More than yourself, your parents, your outside interests, and even your children, your man is the most important thing in your life.

2. Wake up early
Be sure to rise before him in the morning so that you can make him a nice, healthy breakfast and ensure that he has a good start to his day. If he must wake up and leave the house before you, then have something already prepared and waiting for him in the kitchen.

3. Never nag him. Ever!
Do not ever nag your man about something. If he wants to drink a lot after coming home, it’s all to do with his job. If he forgets to take out the garbage, then do it yourself instead.

4. Stay at home
When he gets home from a busy day at work, try to be there for him. If you also have a job during the day, then get home as soon as possible.

5. Smile
When your man returns home, greet him with a heartfelt smile. If you can, go the extra mile by bringing him a nice, cold drink while you’re at it.

6. Prepare dinner
Because you’re already at home or should be getting there before him, make your man a delicious dinner that he can eat soon after returning. And, because he might be tired from work, try giving him a massage.

7. Let him go out with friends
Don’t be mad if he wants to go out for an evening of poker or sports with his friends. See him off with a smile and show him you care by giving him a sandwich and a beer to take with him.

8. Ask first
Whether you plan on using your significant other’s hard-earned money or cash from your own paycheck, be sure to ask first before buying anything for yourself.

9. Relinquish the remote
Let your man decide what to watch on television. The TV is his and thus he should get to decide what channel to watch. The same goes for on-demand, movies, and rentals.

10. Be submissive!
Don’t do anything he wouldn’t like, and never complain. If your man doesn’t want you to watch that one reality TV show or to go out drinking with your friends, then abide by his rules. This will bring both of you happiness.

11. Be wild in bed!
Bewitch him. If your man likes sexy underwear, then wear some. Be shy and bashful in the company of others, but when the lights go out, go wild. He can make you happy; let him know that he’s the only man in the world for you.

12. Know your sports
If you know a thing or two about sports, it makes for a good conversation topic. However, always allow him to start the discussions.

13. Stay fit
Your man should be proud to call you his partner, so be aware of your body shape and always dress nicely.

14. Keep things clean
Always keep the house sparkling clean. Do that, and your man will always want to stay with you. He shouldn’t have to go searching for clean socks and underwear. Finish all of the laundry and make sure that his shirts are neatly pressed.

Now, I’m certain that many of our readers–of both sexes–are balking in disbelief at this point, and if so, you’re not alone. While many men praised the original article as wonderful advice for becoming their ideal woman, most females were to some extent appalled. One questioned whether or not this article wasn’t actually a guide for slaves rather than partners. Others insisted that they would never go for a man, either Western or Asian, who expected this sort of behavior from their partner. It’s misogyny at its peak.

Our own reporter lamented that even as an Asian woman, she could only manage about two of these each day, no matter how hard she tried. But perhaps that’s all it takes. This article is filled with many men’s desires. In years gone by, this list would have described the perfect housewife, but after so many struggles for gender equality and an eventual end to misogyny, to hold this list as the anticipated norm would be a step backwards. Still, picking out a few of these items to use on occasion would certainly bring joy to all the boyfriends or husbands out there.

I know I’d like to be welcomed home with a smile and a cold drink every once in a while.

Reference: Weekly World News
[ Read in Japanese ]