We love our Mr. Sato. He’s the perfect combination of crazy, silly, and reckless — kind of like a Bugs Bunny that smokes! He’s also not exactly the youngest writer on the staff and is no stranger to being called “ugly” by cruel Japanese commenters. And Mr. Sato seems to have embraced this designation, even calling himself ugly at times.
Obviously, we completely disagree, but who listens to us? Certainly not Mr. Sato! Instead, he went out and found a professional makeup artist to do him up pretty before heading to a photo booth to see just how much of a pretty, pretty princess he could be. So how did it turn go for him? Read on to find out!
To start things off, Mr. Sato headed to one of Shinjuku’s more upscale department stores to buy some top-of-the-line makeup. Of course, he has basically no knowledge of makeup, so he had to ask the staff for help. Feeling a bit embarrassed, though, he ended up telling the woman helping him that he was dressing up as a lady for a company party. We’re not sure how that makes any difference, but at least he got her recommendations for the best supplies!
With the staff’s help, Mr. Sato was able to load up on foundation, eyeliner, lipstick, and blush. The grand total for these four items was 32,400 yen (about US$270). “I knew it would be expensive, but not this expensive,” Mr. Sato told us. “It’s tough being a woman!” It turns out that beauty doesn’t just hurt; it also costs an arm and a leg!
▼ Today’s lesson? Makeup does not come cheap!
▼ Seriously, who does not love that face?!
With his new purchases in hand, Mr. Sato headed to Omotesando in Harajuku, one of Tokyo’s most fashionable areas, to meet a professional makeup artist. He’d already made an appointment, so they knew he’d be bringing his own cosmetics, and this wasn’t the first time Mr. Sato has sought this pro’s help — the same artist had turned Mr. Sato into L’Arc~en~Ciel’s frontman, Hyde, earlier this year. Mr. Sato shares a little bit about the experience with us below!
▼ Getting mentally ready to be beautiful!
The first thing the artist did was moisturizing. It turns out Mr. Sato’s skin was dry — in fact, it was much drier than he’d ever realized! The artist went so far as to call it “rough,” though he couldn’t tell himself. We guess it’s not as bad as having oily skin, but it’s still not great.
▼ Making Mr. Sato moist, moist, moist.
After getting Mr. Sato’s skin nice and moist, it was time to throw some expensive foundation at his face! Or, in this case, to expertly apply the foundation, eyeliner, and eye shadow. Next was the lipstick and the blush.
▼ This is what real magic looks like.
▼ Eye-gouging is definitely an essential part of any application of makeup.
▼ Helloooooo, Mr. Sato!
An hour and one wig later, here is our resplendent Mr. Sato!
Watch out Scarlett Johansson, your job as prettiest woman in Hollywood is on the line!
Adding in 6,480 yen for the makeup application, brought everything to 38,800 yen. But how was Mr. Sato feeling about his new face? “I looked like I was in a washed out band,” Mr. Sato lamented. Even after spending nearly 40,000 yen, he felt like he’d never escape his fate of having “old man face.”
▼ Later, he admitted that slapping a cap on his head probably didn’t help much…
▼ He does kind of look like a hair metal singer in this photo…
▼ But a pretty hair metal singer!
Clearly, Mr. Sato wasn’t satisfied with the results. We imagine shaving might have helped, but there was one stop left in the day for Mr. Sato: A session at a photo booth!
▼ “Cheeeeeeese!”
This is where the real magic actually happened, according to our gorgeous writer! Thanks to the lighting, eye-enlargement, and general beautification that photo booths apply to photos, Mr. Sato ended up looking…well, you’ll have to see for yourself!
▼ Last minute primping…
▼ Meet Satoko!
▼ Satoko is not available for dates, sadly.
▼ Fear not, Satoko! We definitely love you!
In the end, with the right makeup and software, it turned out Mr. Sato could finally cure himself of “ugly face!” (Not that we think he needed it.) And thus he truly did bring all the boys to the yard.
Don’t you just love a happy ending?
All images © RocketNews24. Broken hearts are on you.
9 middle-aged Japanese men try putting on their own makeup
Mr. Sato turns into a historical figure through his first-ever wet plate photography session
SMAP vs. Mr. Sato! Our writer compares his life to that of Japan’s most successful boy band ever
Cup Noodle unveils first-ever cold-water instant ramen in Japan
Can instant TKG from Don Quijote really recreate Japan’s beloved raw-egg-on-rice dish?
Shinkansen trial of moderately air conditioned cars draws mixed reactions from travellers
Japanese government ID card and app to be required for certain Pokémon card purchases next month
Studio Ghibli releases new Totoro coin purses…but who’s the blue character?
Hiker needs to be rescued from Mt. Fuji twice in five days for very dumb reason
Two Americans decide to hike Mt. Fuji before trails open, both need rescues on back-to-back days
Tokyo’s Giga Mart lets visitors “steal” from a convenience store… if cameras don’t catch you
Japan’s new Calpis pudding: The right call for summer, or tampering with purin perfection?
Studio Ghibli brings anime characters to the table with new Totoro placemat that’s like a movie cell
Studio Ghibli has a new anime out, and there’s only one place in the world where you can see it
Family Mart opens new “Famima” flagship store in Tokyo that’s like a tourist attraction
Uniqlo looks back to the very start of Pokémon with new black-and-white pixel art T-shirts[Pics]
Japan reacts to Donald Trump’s “Islamic Republic of Japan” remark
Japanese airport rebrands itself as “Sushi Airport” to attract foreign tourists
Three new starter Pokémon Jets to fly in Japan, first begins carrying passengers this month
Studio Ghibli theme park’s new dessert is a drinkable version of Hayao Miyazaki’s pilot daydream
Solid gold Hedorah kaiju from the Godzilla series is now available to pre-order
Japan announces sudden 400-percent increase in visa fees for foreigners entering the country
Japanese ninja certification exam attracts 131 candidates from Japan and abroad
Salomon releases Japan-exclusive Mt. Fuji hiking gear that doubles as an amazing souvenir
Studio Ghibli store Donguri Republic announces opening of first-ever store in America
Japan triples departure tax, foreign tourists and locals now must pay more to leave country
Japan launches first overnight Shinkansen bullet train between Tokyo and Osaka this summer
Japanese sweets shop sells an ohagi so exquisite it sells out by noon
Sanrio Character Poll announces winners, Hello Kitty absent from top 10 in many countries
Japan’s human washing machines will go on sale to general public, demos to be held in Tokyo
Starbucks Japan releases new drinkware and goods for Valentine’s Day
Starbucks Japan releases new sakura goods and drinkware for cherry blossom season 2026
Japan’s newest Shinkansen has no seats…or passengers [Video]
Put sesame oil in your coffee? Japanese maker says it’s the best way to start your day【Taste test】
Japan reportedly adding Japanese language skill requirement to most common foreigner work visa