Kids these days… They don’t know the value of an adult DVD.

An unusual report came over the online security database Gaccom Anzen Navi via Shizuoka Police in Shizuoka City’s Shimizu Ward titled Man Trying to Pass Off Adult DVD!, informing the public of a middle-aged man on a bicycle who tossed pornographic material at a teenage boy.

I say unusual because if someone did that to me when I was a teen, I would probably be too busy wiping away tears of joy and hailing him a modern saint to even consider going to the police.

The incident occurred at about 4:20 p.m. on 9 April on the streets of Shimizu Ward. The junior high student was walking home from school when a man in his 50s rode up on a bike and said “Here ya go!” The man then threw an adult DVD towards the boy.

Perhaps offended by the obsolete format, the boy reported the man to the police. He is described as carrying a black bag and wearing a red sweatshirt, black jeans, and red and white sneakers, not unlike another person famous for magically appearing and delivering presents to youngsters.

As usual Gaccom provides us with an avatar of the suspect to really put us in the moment

Netizens spoke out in sympathy for the man who clearly didn’t consider how the times have changed.

“He’d be called a god if computers and smartphones weren’t around.”
“Is there a problem here?”
“I feel bad he was reported. Seemed like a nice old guy.”
“He’s a neighborhood hero!”
“I don’t know. He might have been up to something else.”
“What junior high boy wouldn’t see him as the greatest man alive?”
“This is like the origin story for Santa Claus.”
“He’s a good man dammit!”
“Maybe the kid just didn’t know what a DVD was.”
“That boy was chosen to receive a great gift, and he squandered it.”

As is often the case with these bulletins, the details of the situation are kept intentionally vague to protect the identity of the victims, so in all fairness we can’t know if the older man was acting suspicious in any other way. But given what we know, it certainly looks as if the guy is from a forgotten era of dirty magazines and videos that could only be purchased at stores by people of a certain age. Back then a junior high student would have to find erotic material the old-fashioned way: in a discarded pile in the forest, or stolen from an older brother (who had probably found his in a discarded pile in the forest).

▼ Or even on the occasional haunted bridge.

In such circumstances, indeed this guy would be hailed as a legend. Now, however, is a time when any conceivable sex act, and quite a few inconceivable ones, can be pulled up online at a moment’s notice. With such erotic wherewithal at our disposal, physical media like DVDs and magazines can be seen as more of a burden, and apparently a criminal nuisance when offered to the youth of today.

So, for all the other older guys looking to pass on their copies of Nurses who Violate Vol. 19, do yourselves a favor and be sure to pass it on to another old dude, cause it seems the kids are into a whole different thing now.

Source: Gaccom Ansen Navi, Hachima Kiko
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