Or “that time our otaku reporter almost caused Third Impact.”

They say that death and taxes are the only sure things in life, and anime fans will notice that the release of Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time isn’t on that short list. In the nine years since the previous installment in the Rebuild of Evangelion film series some fans wondered if Thrice Upon a Time was ever going to make it to theaters, and even when a release date finally was announced, it then got pushed back due to the pandemic.

Most recently, Eva producer Studio Khara has been saying January 23 is when Thrice Upon a Time will open, but with a brand-new coronavirus state of emergency declared for Tokyo, that timetable could get swept away in the next two weeks. However, the other Eva-related date on our calendar was January 8, when a new batch of merchandise to celebrate Thrice Upon a Time’s projected release went on sale, and so our reporter Seiji Nakazawa went out to get the item at the top of his otaku shopping list, the Evangelion Test Type Drink Holder.

A molded forearm sleeve shaped like Eva Unit-01’s hand, the Evangelion Test Type Drink Holder is available exclusively at movie theaters that will be screening Thrice Upon a Time (theaters in Japan usually have shops in their lobbies selling merch, especially for anime films). However, not every theater where Thrice Upon a Time is going to be playing is selling the drink holder. For example, the closest cineplex to SoraNews24 headquarters, the Toho Cinema in downtown Tokyo’s Shinjuku neighborhood (a.k.a. the building with the life-size Godzilla head sticking out of it), isn’t offering them.

Luckily, there are other theaters in the area, so Seiji whipped out his phone and called up the Shinjuku Wald 9 theater. The employee who answered the phone informed him that yes, they were well-stocked with Eva arms, and Seiji’s anime-loving legs quickly carried him to their lobby.

But even though he knew they had the Test Type Drink Holder in stock, Seiji was still a little nervous. See, the drink holder comes as part of a set with a drink, so it’s not sold in the gift shop. You have to order it at the snack bar, and Seiji was a little worried that if the clerk taking his order hadn’t heard about the special drink holder, they’d think he was a nut job if he asked them for an anime robot arm.

However, his worries turned out to be completely unnecessary. “Um…are you guys selling…the Test Type Drink Holder…from Evangelion…?” he sheepishly asked, only for the clerk to cheerfully say, “Yes we are”, and place one on the counter for him.

Now armed with an Eva arm and a drink, Seiji was ready to make his way back to headquarters until his otaku spirit compelled him to swing by the gift shop first. And what should he find there but…

…the Spear of Longinus!

▼ Yes, right next to the adorable Pikachu merch.

At roughly one meter (3.3 feet) in length, this is a gigantic plushie. It’s so big that it’d almost certainly be in the way no matter where Seiji tried to display it. Oh, and just as shocking as the size is the price, 12,100 yen (US$117).

So, naturally, Seiji purchased it immediately.

▼ If nothing else, it made his 3,500-yen Test Type Drink Holder/soft drink combo feel like a bargain.

First order of business: testing out the Test Type Drink Holder.

It’s easily the most dynamic beverage retention system Seiji had ever synchronized with. And while the unorthodox might have you thinking this is a clear case of form over function, it actually keeps a remarkably secure grip!

Seiji isn’t sure he’d stick a cup of scrotum-scaldingly hot coffee with no lid in the Eva hand for a ride on a bumpy bus, but for sipping some soda in the office, it works just fine.

Theoretically, once you’re done with your drink you’d take the drink holder off, especially since its shape lets you stand it upright as an interior decoration, but Seiji was curious.

Does the Test Type Drink Holder also function as a Test Type Spear of Longinus Holder?

Yes! Yes it does!

Equipped with everything he needed to start Third Impact, Seiji felt like a kid in a Doors of Guf store. Luckily for all of us, though, Seiji decided not to turn all human life into puddles of LCL, since he’ll still need his individual consciousness in order to watch Thrice Upon a Time when it opens later this month (fingers crossed).

Still, if any more bodies of water in Japan suddenly turn red, we’re gonna have some questions for the guy.

Related: Shinjuku Wald 9
Photos ©SoraNews24
● Want to hear about SoraNews24’s latest articles as soon as they’re published? Follow us on Facebook and Twitter!
[ Read in Japanese ]