Monkey see, monkey pee… I know they’re apes. It’s a figure of speech so get off my back.

The world holds many secrets and mysteries waiting to be discovered. Take chimpanzee urination for example. For centuries, the customs and mechanisms behind how these great apes drain the main vein have eluded science, but just imagine the progress humanity could make if we cracked this code, and let me know if you come up with anything.

Now, thanks to the hard work of a team led by Ena Onishi at the Wildlife Research Center of Kyoto University, a major stride has been made in understanding what makes chimpanzees pee. The researchers monitored 20 chimps kept at a facility in Kumamoto Prefecture for about 600 hours, with a particular focus on their urinary habits.

What they found was that when one chimpanzee pees, it triggers an urge to urinate in other nearby chimpanzees. Not only that but a peeing chimp seems to emit a sort of aura of urination and the closer another one is to it, the stronger the influence of it. For example, it was found that a chimpanzee within 60 centimeters (24 inches) of a urinating one is twice as likely to pee than one slightly further away.

▼ I ran the data through an AI and came up with this highly accurate computer simulation. I tried to make him pee too but the AI was too much of a prude.

In addition to proximity, social ranking has an influence as well. Higher-ranking chimps are less susceptible to the aura of urination and lower-ranking chimps are more so. There is also a delay of about three minutes for the contagious urge to pee to manifest.

Onishi says this is different from tsureshon, the Japanese word for a tendency to go to the restroom in groups as seen in some animals, and humans such as groups of women as soon as I enter the room. Rather, it is a “tsurareshon” or “chain-reaction pee”, given the delay between chimps.

▼ It’s not every day national news anchors talk about chain-reaction peeing and show footage of chimps peeing.

Readers of the news reported in online comments that they were also influenced by the story in a variety of ways.

“Reading this news makes me want to pee…”
“So, how does this apply to pooping?”
“Let’s face it. Peeing together is just more fun.”
“It’s sad that low-ranking chimps have to follow others just to pee.”
“The sound of running water does it for me, so this makes sense.”
“Everyone’s defenseless while doing their business, so maybe it’s a survival strategy to go separately.”
“This has Ig Nobel written all over it.”
“Is this like how I always feel like peeing in the shower?”

Onishi says more study is needed to determine whether the chimpanzees behave in this way as some sort of social or survival strategy or if it’s just like how seeing someone yawn tends to make other people yawn too. It’s quite likely that humans may possess a similar contagious urge to pee but don’t exhibit it as we tend not to do it in front of each other. However, if I can secure funding for a membership to Lady S’s Pleasure Dungeon, I may be able to find out.

It’s too early to say, but with further understanding, I suspect this could even lead to a more effective treatment for paruresis, or “shy bladder syndrome,” a condition that is thought to affect about one in 10 people.

Source: NHK, Golden Times
Featured image: Pakutaso
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