Police from the Himonya Precinct in Tokyo’s Merguro Ward have announced the arrest of one Keiko Hatano. Mr. Hatano has an unusual given name for a man in Japan, but even more unusual is the crime he is suspected of: fondling a woman’s posterior after explaining to her that he “studies English.”

According to a statement from the Tairamachi Precinct head, on April 7, 21-year-old Hatano was walking back to his home in Tairamachi, also in Meguro Ward. Along the way, he came across a foreign woman in her 30s at roughly 12:50 am.

Apparently smitten, Hatano suddenly called out to her with, “I study English.” When this failed to woo her, he allegedly moved on to Plan B: grabbing her butt and flipping up her skirt.

No footage has been released of the incident, although our Japanese colleagues have kindly produced the following reenactment, which we’re sure you’ll absolutely love.

Hirano’s second attempt to win the woman over went as well as anyone with a functioning brain would expect. Instead of telling her friends how dreamy the man she’d encountered was, the woman reported him to the police.

▼ We’re not sure why it took half a year to make an arrest, but we suspect scheduling difficulties with Special Consulting Investigator Mix-a-Lot.

We here at RocketNews24 are appalled by the alleged crime, thankful to the police for watching out for our butts (literally), and disappointed in the gross negligence shown by Hirano’s English teacher in being too lazy to even teach him such clichéd pick up lines as “Hey, baby.”

Legal proceedings are still ongoing, but should the suspect be found guilty and sentenced to prison time, we encourage him to spend less time thinking about other people’s rear ends and more time protecting his own.

Source: Jin