In this increasingly globalized society, controlling immigration and labor practices becomes an ever more challenging issue for nations. In the case of Thailand, the Ministry of Labor has outlined a list of 39 jobs that foreigners are prohibited from performing in the country.

Of course, since the list is directed at those from other countries the ministry had the list carefully translated into English. So, let’s take a moment to educate ourselves in Thai labor laws with their list titled “Career aliens do not: Not alien to the professional set of career. Professional and not an alien to do.”

Now, before we get into this we should point out the Thai Ministry of Labor prefaced the list by saying “Set in professional video and tea alien life that do not.”

Okay, now that we’re all on the same page, here’s the first career field immigrants are not allowed to enter in Thailand.

If you’re looking for employment in Thailand you better be bourgeoisie, or no deal. They need more people on that side for the big class struggle volleyball match this autumn.

Delta Tau Chi fraternity members are a protected species in Thailand and shall not be gassed even if found in the forests or fisheries of the nation, unless you are an expert licensed party animal gassing farmer.

Selling some pages is alright, but all of them?! Not in this country, pal. Oh, and not just at any auction but…

No diamonds or pebbles, but everything in between is fair game.

Some may cry discrimination, but the government has declared The Curl of Beauty to be a practice only done by Thai nationals.

Oh, there’s your church. And the steeple? Open the door and…what? Get the hell out of Thailand right now!

There’s enough of that going around, thank you very much.

Wow progressive, they’ve even prepared for the advent of robot immigrants.

Let me tell you, I can work a silver otter like nobody’s business. Too bad they’ll never know.

Gesundheit.

Has anyone ever told you “You’re such a card”? If so then you’re still allowed to work in Thailand. Just don’t get full of yourself and try to become the card or you’ll be out in a shot.

Job Christs, Messiahs, prophets, and Haile Selassies preferred.

Yes those jobs are best left to the inanimate objects which bear their names. And if you’re looking to work indoors, leave your clothes and paper at home. It’s chainmail and sandblasting stone tablets for you from here on out.

Huh, those were surprisingly lucid. Moving on…

That’s right rummy! Just try hawking your bootleg Josephine Baker Charleston talkies here for a few simoleons and you can bet your last silver nickel some junior g-men will 23 skidoo you right up the river faster than Gene Tunney gets up in a fight against Jack Dempsey.

So in conclusion, if you’re an alien lawyer, engineer, hat, barber, pebble polisher, or Buddha, you had better search for employment elsewhere.

Luckily, “translator” was not a part of this list and, as word (and laughter) spread about it, the Ministry of Labor called one in and rewrote the entire thing. Here is the list again in coherent English if you’re curious what some of those actually meant.

All you otter craftspeople can take a sigh of relief, you’re allowed to work there now.

OCCUPATIONS AND PROFESSIONS PROHIBITED FOR FOREIGN WORKERS
THE LIST APPENDED TO THE ROYAL DECREE
PRESCRIBING OCCUPATIONS AND PROFESSIONS PROHIBITED FOR FOREIGN WORKERS B.E.2522

1.  Labour work;
2.  Agriculture, animal husbandry, forestry, or fishery, except work requiring expertise, specialized work, or farm supervision work;
3. Bricklaying, carpentry or other construction work;
4. Wood carving;
5.  Driving motor vehicles, driving a non-mechanically propelled carrier or driving a mechanically carrier, except for piloting international aircraft;
6.  Shop/Outlet attendance;
7.  Auction;
8.  Supervising, auditing or providing services in accounting, except internal auditing on occasions;
9.  Cutting or polishing diamond or precious stones;
10. Haircutting, hairdressing or beauty treatment;
11. Cloth weaving by hand;
12. Mat weaving or utensil making from reeds, rattan, hemp, straw or bamboo pellicle;
13. Mulberry paper making by hand;
14. Lacquerware making;
15. Making Thai musical instruments;
16. Nielloware making;
17. Gold ornaments, silverware or pink gold making;
18. Bronze ware making;
19. Thai doll making;
20. Mattress and quilt blanket making;
21. Alms bowl making;
22. Hand making of silk products;
23. Buddha image making;
24. Knife making;
25. Paper or cloth umbrella making
26. Shoemaking;
27. Hat making;
28. Brokerage or agency work, except broker or agency work in international trade;
29. Civil engineering works concerning design and calculation, organization, research, project planning, testing, construction supervision or advising, excluding work requiring special expertise;
30. Architectural work concerning designing, drawing of plans, cost estimating, construction directing or advising;
31. Dressmaking;
32. Pottery or ceramic ware making;
33. Cigarette rolling by hand;
34. Tour guide or sightseeing tour operation;
35. Street vending;
36. Typesetting of Thai characters;
37.  Silk reeling and twisting by hand;
38.  Clerical and secretarial work;
39.  Legal service or lawsuit work;

Source: Ministry of Labor, Old list via Google Webcache, Coconuts Bangkok (English)