Prime Minister Abe’s bizarre yet awesome appearance at the closing ceremony of the Rio Olympics got many people thinking. Thinking a little too seriously maybe.

Everyone (hopefully) understands that Super Mario is just a game, and that one cannot magically travel through pixellated pipes like the famous Italian plumber to get from point A to point B. Stomping on turtles and eating mushrooms all have serious, real world consequences. So, hope though we might, it seems that Mario’s preferred form of conveyance just isn’t something that can happen in the real world.

But why not? Like scientifically, why can’t I commute this way? Well if you’ve ever wondered why not, then wonder no more. Following the Japanese Prime Minister’s performance at the Rio Olympics’ Closing Ceremony, an article on a Chinese scientific media outlet, Guokr.com, attempted to logically debunk the possibility of such a thing ever occurring.

▼ In case you missed it, you can see the Tokyo to Rio pipe action around 1:30.

Basically, the article explains that in order to achieve this feat, we’d assume first of all that we could create a tunnel that burrows through the center of the Earth. Then, supposing the Earth were a perfect sphere, the pipe (which would need to be a perfect vacuum) would pull the would-be Mario Brother/Sister through the pipe’s entrance near Japan to the center of the Earth and to the opposite end, preventing him/her from getting sucked back in when they arrive in Rio.

Well, never mind all that. The killjoys at Guokr.com proceed to explain all the reasons none of these things could happen.

▼Unsafe at any speed — don’t get into one of these death traps!

Warp_pipe_edited

First of all, humanity would have to develop the technology to dig a tunnel in the middle of the ocean to the other side of the planet. They would have to create a pipe that maintains a perfect vacuum, which of course our traveller couldn’t breathe in. On top of all that, the Earth isn’t actually a perfect sphere, and so anyone moving through it would continuously crash into the walls of the pipe. If that didn’t kill them, it’s unlikely they would survive the extreme temperatures at the core, which can reach over 6,000 degrees Celsius (about 10,000 degrees farenheit).

So much for that dream…but maybe all this means is we need to get the brilliant minds at MIT and Tokyo University working on a solution!

Source: Nico Nico News
Featured image: Twitter/@lmfaofa
Images: Wikimedia Commons/Maplestrip