A colorfully inventive name for a not-so-uncommon problem.

In Japan, there’s a phrase kansetsu kisu,” which translates to “indirect kiss.” It’s used when two people successively drink from the same cup, sip from the same straw, or otherwise put their lips on the same surface, which some consider to be intimate and exciting.

The indirect kiss is a time-honored storytelling trope in anime, manga, and TV dramas, often setting aflutter the hearts of demure maidens and shy schoolboys. Japanese Twitter user @Hir0piii, however, has evolved the concept in a less innocently romantic way.


His tweet reads:

“When I have to take a dump while I’m out, the tip of my dick often hits the circular toilet seat. If I hit it, there’s a chance that the middle-aged guy who used the toilet before me did too, and so did the middle-aged guy before him.

It’s an indirect middle-aged man dick kiss.

It’s so gross. I wish they’d hurry up and make a toilet where your dick doesn’t hit the seat already.”

It’s unclear why @Hir0piii seems particularly perturbed by the ages of the penises-havers in this chain of pecker pecks (though he also describes himself as a “middle-aged guy” in his Twitter profile). Still, other Twitter users sympathized with his discomfort at accidentally slapping the seat with his manhood. Some suggested putting a layer of toiler paper over the problem area before sitting down, while another recommended not placing his butt on the seat at all, instead hovering above the rim as he does his business.

Others offered less practical advice, such as putting on a condom before sitting down or facing the toilet, though the provided diagram looks like it would simply have the user’s manliest part hitting a different part of the toilet (though presumably it would be the first penis to be tapping that virgin plot of porcelain).

Moving back to workable solutions, others advised @Hir0piii to look for toilets with U-shaped, as opposed to O-shaped, seats, since their design offers more open space towards the front.

Finally, some people think the best way to avoid indirect dick kisses with mature individuals is to go old-school and use a traditional Japanese squat toilet.

But remember, even if an O-seat toilet isn’t the ideal option, it’s still a better choice than just pooping on the floor of the subway.

Source: Twitter/@Hir0piii via Otakomu
Top image: Pakutaso