Trolling doesn’t get any more official than this.

Longtime readers of this site and residents of Japan are no doubt familiar with the behavior of public broadcaster NHK. In most countries, funding of public broadcasting is always a nagging issue resulting in stopgap solutions like annoying pledge drives or licensing fees.

The Japanese government seems to have found an elegant solution, however, in that they say it’s mandatory for everyone in the country to pay a license fee, but also say that they won’t lift a finger with regards to collecting said fee.

This put NHK in an awkward situation, so they outsourced a group of aggressive debt-collectors to go door-to-door shaking people down for the money. As you might expect, things have gone terribly wrong along the way as a result.

In response to this, the Protect the Nation from NHK Party was formed by Takashi Tachibana with the sole platform of abolishing this form of fee collection. While this might sound weird, the Protect the Nation from NHK Party is a legitimate political party and is entitled to all the rights of one – and this is where things get interesting.

The above video is Tachibana himself delivering his manifesto live on NHK. Because they are the public broadcaster of Japan, by law NHK must allot a certain number of minutes to each candidate during an election cycle to speak. In other words, NHK is forced to give their own airtime to the Protect the Nation from NHK Party.

This is a fact that Tachibana and his fellow candidates no doubt revel in as it’s a government-mandated opportunity for them to really get under NHK’s skin. The 18-minute speech is far too long to be fully translated but here’s a segment that really gives a good sense of what the Protect the Nation from NHK Party is all about.

Keep in mind that this is all airing unedited on NHK, protected by law.

“So, to all of you sitting in front of your TVs: Crush NHK. And to all of the NHK employees here in the studio: Crush NHK.

It’s easy.

For those who don’t pay the NHK license fee, ‘Crush NHK’ means to stop NHK’s broadcasting signal or, to put it in technical terms; implement a scrambling of the NHK signal.

Crush NHK.

Why should we crush NHK? It’s because NHK is hiding the fact that its male and female announcers have had car-sex adultery on the street.

Everyone – it’s car-sex adultery on the street!

A magazine reported the fact that a male and female newscaster with an evening program called ‘Marugoto Yamanashi’ had car-sex adultery on the street. However, NHK is still covering up this incident. It happened three years ago.

The male presenter still works with NHK, but it seems that the female presenter was fired. If this isn’t sexual harassment and power harassment, then I don’t know what is.

NHK has not yet explained this scandal to viewers, and on the day after the incident was revealed, the two hosts who had car-sex adultery on the road were replaced by newscasters who were thought not to engage in car-sex adultery on the street.

The reason for replacing the hosts was never explained to the viewers. Well, I wonder, how dare they not explain such a serious incident to the viewers, as if nothing happened?

Adultery!

On the street!

Car-sex!

Are we going to allow this?

One more time:

Adultery!

On the street!

Car-sex!

I’ll say it again: It’s car-sex adultery on the street!

Anyway, crush the car-sex-adultery-on-the-street-concealing NHK.”

In that roughly two-minute segment, Tachibana managed to work in the phrase “crush NHK” six times and “car-sex adultery on the street” nine times. His speech was just the beginning though. Of course political parties are allowed to run different candidates in different districts, and NHK is duty bound to give each and every one of them their allotted time to speak.

In the following 47-second clip, Protect the Nation from NHK candidate Yukinobu Okamoto works in “Crush the NHK” (NHK wo Bukkowasu/NHKをぶっ壊す) 12-and-a-half times.

The Protect the Nation from NHK Party is a diverse group of individuals though, and each of their speeches reflected this. Candidate Toshimitsu Machida, for example, took a much more laid-back approach to crushing NHK.

With this seemingly endless onslaught against the public broadcaster, it’s easy to start feeling sorry for them. They must be really annoyed at having a bunch of strangers waltz into their private spaces and aggressively interfere with their daily lives.

Perhaps they should assemble the Protect NHK from the Protect the Nation from NHK Party Party and then give themselves airtime on their own channel to rebut all these claims – not only because it’d be hilarious, but because it’s their democratic right to do so.

Source: YouTube/Takashi Tachibana, Hachima Kiko
Images:  YouTube/Takashi Tachibana