When it comes to humor, Mr. Sato is deadly serious.

We here at SoraNews24 take quality control seriously. Even our Japan’s Best Home Senbero series, which taken at face value seems like just a guy goofing around and getting drunk, are carefully crafted works, right down to the last detail.

▼ I mean, just look at that tracking shot.

And speaking of Japan’s Best Home Senbero, for the first time Mr. Sato relinquished creative control of an article to his frequent co-star Masanuki Sunakoma last month. You have not seen that article on our English website because it was deemed not fit for mass consumption. For starters, it was done at a resort rather than at “Home” and Masanuki spent most of the time running around the room in circles pretending to be various apes.

▼ Honestly, now that you’ve seen this picture, you’ve seen about 70 percent of the article.

Of course, we still treasure Masanuki as an extremely talented writer and highly valued member of our team. It’s just sometimes these things just don’t work out. When that happens, it’s a good time to take stock of the situation and hash out where improvements can be made.

So, Mr. Sato called Masanuki into the meeting room for some constructive criticism and skill training with the sensitive, nurturing words of encouragement that only our senior writer can weave together.

▼ Mr. Sato: “I’m just going to come out and say it: What the hell was with that senbero the other day? Seriously, it freaked me out.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “The whole thing just felt forced. I’ll get into that on our next senbero, but damn… You really weren’t putting your best foot forward there. It was a stinky, corn-covered foot.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “But that’s not why I wanted to see you today. We need to do something about your facial expressions. They’re always the same.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “If I may be blunt for a moment, they just aren’t funny, you know? You’re a dummy with monotonous expressions, you see.”

▼ Masanuki: “Uh… huh…”

▼ Mr. Sato: “And don’t think I haven’t noticed you always hanging around, trying to lift my unique brand of humor either. Stop biting my steez, dummy!”

▼ Masanuki: “Ohhhhoho? You think you’re the funny one here? Then allow me to just say it is YOU who is the one who isn’t funny, dummy!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Now you’re just embarrassing yourself. I am funny and if you don’t see that, it just shows how lacking your sense of humor is.”

▼ Masanuki: “If you’re talking about the sense of humor it takes to find you funny, you can keep that. Hard pass, dummy!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Enough! It’s clearly no use trying to explain this to you so let’s get to work. Come on and let’s see your funny faces.”
Masanuki: “Prepare to die laughing, dummy.”

▼ Masanuki: “Alright, here we go! Blrrrrt!”

▼ Masanuki: “Bloooey!”

▼ Masanuki: “Ahhhh, hoyyyyyyy!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Hold it right there! Are you even trying? I’m serious so stop playing around. Stop half-assing it!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Here, let me show you how it’s done. Here we go! Horrrrah!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Yohhhhhshohhhhh!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Nohhhhhhhhh!”

▼ Masanuki: “That’s boring, man. You always just do the same stuff.”

▼ Masanuki: “Try this on for size. Hoyyyyyyyy!”

▼ Masanuki: “Ahhh, hooooooy!”

▼ Masanuki: “Annnnnd, hoooooooh!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Why are your eyes always closed? Is it because you’re embarrassed? You’re way past that point now.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “You really are just slacking off. I mean, you weren’t funny before either but at least you put some effort into it. You’ve lost the eye of the tiger, dummy.”
Masanuki: “I’m not gonna put up with this BS evaluation much longer.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Fine. Then you can sit there and witness the very essence of humor. Hahhhhhhingh!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Ohhhhgehhhhh!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Noooooooooon!”

▼ Masanuki: “I’ll be damned… You truly are the man to do senbero articles. It takes talent to be this serious about being stupid.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Now do you get it? I’m just on a whole other level.”
Masanuki: “Where do you even get that boldness from? Is it just a complete inability to see how stupid you look?”

▼ Mr. Sato: “It’s alright. You just need to find something that works for you. Hey, maybe we can ask the readers if they have any fresh ideas to get you out of this rut. Whaddaya say? Do you want to ask everyone out there for suggestions?”
Masanuki: “Eh, I guess…”

And so ends another productive employee evaluation. Sure, these things can get heated with the d-word flying around so loosely, but it is this very process that keeps us on the cutting edge of whatever it is we’re doing here.

If you have ideas for something Masanuki can do in future articles, let us know in the comments below and we’ll pass them along. Just be sure it isn’t getting unconventional hairstyles, buying the lowest-rated things on Amazon, playing high-stakes capsule machines, or testing out fireworks because he already does all that… Huh, maybe he doesn’t need anything else after all.

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