Captain’s log…

Japanese toilets have long been the envy of the world, thanks in no small part to the efforts of Toto and their groundbreaking washlets that use water to clean your nether regions after use, heat up in the winter, and play sounds to cover up any embarrassing sounds that may emerge.

▼ Godspeed, washlet.

They’re not ones to rest on their laurels either and have been hard at work, creating the next evolution in toilet technology. This time, they’re switching their focus from comfort to health and wellness, and what better window into our physical condition is there than our butts?

The new Neorest line of toilets will include a system to monitor fecal matter as it is expelled and record it in a dedicated smartphone app. The scanner is installed next to the washlet water nozzle and works just like a barcode scanner to analyze turds as they move past.

The consistency of movements will be classified into seven categories: Clumps (1), Lumpy (2), Cracked (3), Normal (4), Semi-Solid (5), Muddy (6), and Liquid (7). The shade of brown is also measured and given one of three categories. This data is logged for each time on the toilet and can be viewed on a smartphone app, which also offers lifestyle advice on how to have more consistently normal BMs.

▼ Blue lines show quantity, the color of the dot represents the color of the poop, and the position of the dot corresponds to the consistency category on the left.

Reaction to the news online was largely optimistic but also apprehensive. It’s understandable since butt scanning and cataloging isn’t something one jumps into easily.

“This is amazing. Sure, the technology is easy to copy, but it’s good to be the first.”
“I don’t like it. I don’t want to be scanned.”
“I think it’s good to monitor poop, but that will be too rigid. Every time blood is found, it will think there’s colon cancer, and it will just give the same advice all the time.”
“The future is here. Imagine if you could get both a urine and stool test every day.”
“I’d be afraid if it scanned me and told me I stink.”
“I think this is great. Sometimes the toilet design makes it hard to check my poops.”
“To think, only decades ago we had toilets that were just holes in the ground. Look how far we’ve come.”
“What if a superhacker uncovers the color of my poops?”
“I think mine would break the system.”
“They’re expensive, but I think it’s worth it.”

It’s true that Neorest toilets do not come cheap. The two models’ recommended retail prices are 493,900 yen (US$3,300) and 542,300 yen (US$3,600). But many people will consider that an investment in improving their overall health and possibly saving money on medical costs, or even their lives, down the road.

One problem is that you’d have to use the same kind of toilet every time for the best results. Neorest toilets may become more widespread in the future, but there’s sure to be an awkward phase where you’d have to ask waiters if their restrooms have poop scanners. Hopefully, restaurants will have the decency to put up signs.

Source: PR Times, Mainichi Shimbun, Hachima Kiko
Images: PR Times
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