Hundreds of people must walk right past this “vending machine” every day without ever suspecting what it really is.

Japan is often called the vending machine capital of the world, and so the drink dispensers tend to blend into the urban landscape of Japan’s capital, Tokyo. And yet, this one caught our eye while we were out and about in the Ameya Yokocho, a.k.a. Ameyoko, section of Tokyo’s Ueno neighborhood.

At first glance, it looks like a million other Coca-Cola vending machines you might come across in Japan. Step up for a closer look, though, and you’ll start to notice some unusual elements, and not just that the machine’s casing is covered in stickers.

For starters, the products might look like legitimate drinks brands, but none of them are. Think those are bottles of Coca-Cola?

Nope. The labels actually say “Ueno Yariki.” Other bizzarre beverages in the show case include Hagetake (“Baldness”) tea instead of Coca-Cola Japan’s Ayataka, and instead of Emerald Mountain canned coffee, there’s Kyonyuu (“Giant Boobs”) Mountain.

Being the intrepid/self-sacrificing food and beverage journalists we are, you might have expected us to buy some of these suspicious drinks for taste-testing. However, when we looked for the coin slot…

…what we found instead was a handle, and when we pulled on it, instead of anything to drink…

…we found a stairway.

It took a second for our brains to register and accept what had just happened, and even once they did, we were still plenty confused. Where did this stairway go?

Not knowing what was waiting for us at the top, we climbed the steps and came to this translucent curtain.

Had we stumbled upon the secret hideout of a criminal enterprise? The headquarters of a cult? The truth, it turned out, was much less sinister and much more delicious, because we’d just passed through the hidden entrance to an American-style diner.

Called The God Diner, this retro-style eatery is actually fairly new, having opened just barely one year ago. It’s actually a sister restaurant to local motsuyaki (grilled organ meat) chain Yariki, which is why that name shows up on a number of the fake drink brands in the restaurant’s disguised-as-a-vending machine door.

If motsuyaki isn’t your thing, don’t worry, as The God Diner has a totally separate menu from Yariki. The focus here is on premium hamburgers, and they all looked so tasty that we had more than a little trouble picking just one.

Eventually, though, we narrowed our choice down to the Chili Cheeseburger for 1,870 yen (US$12.50). This is actually pretty expensive even for a non-fast food burger in Japan, and would have cost us even more if we’d come in the evening, since The God Diner charges an addition service fee of 200 yen per person after 3 p.m.

But hey, they say you get what you pay for, and in this case paying that price got us something very nice.

The Chili Cheeseburger was absolutely packed. The large bun was overflowing with cheese-drizzled chili meat, and the hamburger patty itself was luxuriously thick too.

As is the norm at burger cafes in Japan, The God Diner provides customers with paper wrappers to put their burgers in and make them easier to eat without making a mess. However, their Chili Cheeseburger is so packed that we decided to start off using a knife and fork instead.

The quality was outstanding. Despite the presence of sliced jalapenos, the focus here is more on “spices” than “spiciness,” so instead of pummeling your mouth with heat, the piquancy is kept to a manageable level to keep your taste buds receptive as the flavors of the chili seasoning dance over them.

As for why The God Diner chose to disguise its door as a vending machine, we can’t say. It definitely speaks to an understandable “Eating out should be a fun experience!” philosophy, but we can’t help wondering how many people have walked right past the “vending machine” without realizing there’s incredibly tasty food on the other side of it, even if, once you know what to look for, you can see the restaurant’s name written above and on the machine/door.

But we’re just happy that now we know this place exists.

Restaurant information
The God Diner
Address: Tokyo-tom Taito-ku, Ueno 6-10-22, 2nd floor
東京都台東区上野6-10-22 2F
Open noon-3 p.m., 5-9:30 p.m. (weekdays), noon-9:30 p.m. (Saturdays, Sundays)

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