nipple
Finally, men can dress conservatively and not gross everyone out with their high-beams on.
When it comes to iPhones, our Japanese writing team might be the biggest fans on the planet. Or at least the strangest. And while Mr. Sato had a busy week waiting for and getting the first iPhone sold in Japan, the rest of our Japanese writers haven’t been sitting around wasting time.
Nope, they’ve been testing vital features like the new iPhone’s hand-shake compensation and security features. We already know what happens when you tape an iPhone to a massage wand…but what happens when you try to lock and unlock it with your nipple?
Probably the most intriguing feature of the new generation iPhone is its fingerprint authentication. Once recognized by the system, only the true user’s fingerprint will unlock the phone, rendering it impossible for anyone else operate.
However, registering a fingerprint has its drawbacks. Someone can easily press the phone against your finger while you sleep and have access to all your secrets. If you want maximum security, we recommend using your toe or nipple. They really work!
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[Deleted] Article written for April Fool’s Day 2018
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