When it comes to iPhones, our Japanese writing team might be the biggest fans on the planet. Or at least the strangest. And while Mr. Sato had a busy week waiting for and getting the first iPhone sold in Japan, the rest of our Japanese writers haven’t been sitting around wasting time.

Nope, they’ve been testing vital features like the new iPhone’s hand-shake compensation and security features. We already know what happens when you tape an iPhone to a massage wand…but what happens when you try to lock and unlock it with your nipple?

Against all odds, RocketNews24 proved last year that it was possible to lock and unlock an iPhone 5s with more than just your finger using the fingerprint authentication. While a toe apparently worked, the real surprise was finding out that a nipple (preferably not slippery) would get iPhone to drop its defenses.

These are the kinds of important topics tackled here at RocketNews24. You won’t see the Wall Street Journal posting about massaging an iPhone with you nipple.

▼Even though this photo will surely do wonders for Apple’s share prices.


So, you know it worked with the iPhone 5s, but will it work with the iPhone 6 Plus, Apple’s attempt at the popular phablet form factor? Writer Hatori GO bared just a tiny bit to find out!

▼[In George Takei’s voice] “Helloooooooooooo!”


After a few failed attempts, GO was successful in registering his nipple with the fingerprint authentication function. It was apparently easier with the iPhone 5s, leading the sexy writer to surmise that Apple has stepped up their anti-nipple security. Take that, nudists!

But despite whatever areola-fighting measures Apple may (or may not) have implemented, GO did eventually manage to find success and his pink man nipple was registered! Then, we all held our breath to find out if he’d be able to actually unlock the phone or if he’d managed to turn it into a very expensive paperweight.

You’ll have to watch the video to see how it turned out!

Okay, obviously everything worked out fine–GO was able to both lock and unlock the phone simply by suckling it. In fact, you can even try this at home without worrying about being permanently locked out. He uses the number pad to unlock the phone at one point, so even if your fancy new device “forgets” what your nipple tastes like, you can still get through security.

But the real test is whether iPhone can differentiate between different boobs. Luckily, as you saw if you watched the video, another writer was on hand to give it a try.

▼Man boobs finally have a purpose!


Fortunately, it seems that the new iPhone won’t unlock for just any nipple–it has to be the one registered! So, good news, everyone, you now have a reason to walk around with your shirt open. “I need it to access my phone,” you can say, while gently massaging your chest. “There’s no security like nipple security!”

If you have a new iPhone, be sure to try locking and unlocking with your nipple and share your results below. Feel free to share your safe-for-work photos if you want.

But whatever you do, don’t try charging your nipple or iPhone in the microwave!

All photos/video: RocketNews24
[ Read in Japanese ]