It pays to keep a keen eye on Japan’s Yahoo! Auctions every once I a while. You’ll never know when you can get a personal live performance form your favorite band, or the opportunity to hire them to clean your home.

So imagine our surprise when the chance to have the Dragon God, Shenlong, from the Dragon Ball series for one day went under the hammer! And in this deal you aren’t limited to one wish like in the manga, you can make as many as you want.

It’s not clear why the one wish rule was put on hold for this sale, maybe they’re just pre-empting the whole “infinite wish” wish that everyone would do. It didn’t matter, I rushed to click a bid of $100,000,000,000. I’m no fool, I could just wish for it back.

However, suddenly – like magic – the page disappeared. At first I was confused. It couldn’t have been Yahoo! They let human skulls, humans, and the planet Earth itself go to completion before.  Why would they step in now?

Then it dawned on me, and I’m sorry.

I made the winning bid and won the day with Shenlong, I wished for my money back but ended up with one hundred billion dollars’ worth of gift certificates to Pete’s Pickle Emporium. Disappointed, but still jazzed by the dragon I wished for a cool car and got a 1987 Plymouth Reliant K with a oscillating fan in the back seat.

On and on it went when all my wishes had some pun or twist to it like a bad episode of the Twilight Zone. Dismayed, I went back to the Yahoo! Auction page and read the details which contained instructions and examples of wishes you could give.

・Things You Can Do!  (Example Wish / Result)

I want to level up my Dragon Quest X character.
Leave it to me! Now you love video games!

My computer’s C drive is a mess.
Leave it to me! I formatted your C drive for you!

Send me a chick’s panties!!!
If you’d like my sister’s I’ll see what I can do!

I didn’t know it was going to be one of those things where I learned a valuable lesson about greed.  My eyes welled up with tears, as I thought “I need to wipe my eyes.”  Instantly the seller’s sister’s panties magically appeared.

A broken man, I finally wished this auction item never existed. Now it doesn’t.  Since this all happened in the future I can’t be sure of it, but that sounds like something I’d do.

I learned my lesson and I hope you all did too. Internet auction buyers beware.  We can’t all be as lucky as the guy who bought the Earth. Sometimes these things are rip-offs.

Source: Yahoo Auction (Japanese/Item Deleted)

▼ Some example wishes from the auction item’s description page.

[ Read in Japanese ]