Golden Bomber wants to help women keep unwanted callers and visitors from knowing they live by themselves.

The importance of image is right there in the genre name for Japan’s visual kei bands, and that goes double for Golden Bomber. Aside from vocalist Sho Kiryuin, the band’s members don’t actually perform their music, but their personalities and on-stage personas have won them a large and loyal following.

Recently, the band did something to endear themselves to their fans even more, with the release of a unique video through their official YouTube channel. It’s not concert or interview footage, though, but a video titled Useful Male Voice Clip Collection for Women Who Live Alone.

The roughly six-minute-long video is a series of sentences spoken by Kiryuin in a clearly annunciated yet natural-sounding voice, and is intended to be of service to women who live by themselves but want to give the impression that they have a husband or boyfriend to help ward off phone calls or knocks on the door from unwanted suitors, stalkers, and salesmen. The video is divided into a number of broadly applicable scenarios, each marked on the progress bar and with multiple levels of sternness to choose from.

For example, the “unwanted solicitor (calm version)” has Kiryuin politely but firmly saying:

“Hello? Sorry, I’m not interested. Goodbye.”

▼ “Unwanted solicitor (calm version)” starts here

The angry version, though, dials up the intensity

“Huh? The hell are you going ringing my doorbell for? F+*k off, and don’t come back.”

▼ “Unwanted solicitor (angry version)”

There’s also a complete set statement for when you’ve ordered something to be delivered, but don’t feel comfortable opening the door to your unit or building and just want the person claiming to be the deliveryman to just leave the package on the ground for you to pick up once they’re gone.

▼ “Hello? Please set it down in front of the door. Yes, that’s right.”

Other highlights include an upset boyfriend telling whoever called his girl to try to sweet-talk her to never dial her number again. There’s even a long list of pre-recorded question responses you can play back, “Yes,” “That’s correct,” “Please do that,” “That’s incorrect,” “No thank you,” and “Goodbye,” which would come in handy if you’re dealing with a repairman or some other service provider over the phone or through the door but don’t want to reveal that you live alone.

▼ Question responses

The complete list of scenarios is:

● Unwanted phone call/solicitor (kind version) 0:46
● Unwanted phone call (calm version) 0:59
● Unwanted phone call (angry version) 1:13
● Unwanted phone call (jealous/protective boyfriend version) 1:27
● Unwanted solicitor (calm version) 2:33
● Unwanted solicitor (calm plus “Please leave” version) 2:45
● Unwanted solicitor (calm plus “If you don’t leave, I’m going to call the police” version) 2:56
● Unwanted solicitor (angry version) 3:13
● Unwanted visitor (calm boyfriend who thinks someone is trying to steal his girlfriend version) 3:27
● Unwanted visitor (angry boyfriend who thinks someone is trying to steal his girlfriend version) 3:43
● Unwanted solicitor (the owner of the house/apartment isn’t here version) 4:00
● Please lave the package in front of the door 4:14
● Answering machine message 1 4:29
● Answering machine message 2 4:41
● “Yes” 4:54
● “That’s correct” 5:07
● “Please do that” 5:19
● “That’s incorrect” 5:32
● “No thank you” 5:45
● “Goodbye” 5:57

The video also has scrolling text that synchs up with the spoken dialogue, making it easy to start and stop as needed to help sell the illusion. And even if you don’t necessarily feel the need to trick people into believing there’s a guy in the house with you, it’s pretty nice to have a full set of audio clips to use the next time one of those pushy NHK fee collectors comes knocking.

Source, top image: YouTube/ゴールデンボンバー公式
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[ Read in Japanese ]