I blame Grand Theft Auto for making it look too easy.

On 12 August, at approximately 9:20 p.m. on the rainy streets of Kiyose, Tokyo, a 54-year-old man was walking. Just as he moved to avoid a puddle he was hit from behind by a light truck, suffering serious injuries that are expected to take 10 weeks to recover from.

The driver of the vehicle, 33-year-old Tomoyuki Saito, immediately drove off after striking the victim. Saito had been bar hopping and drank about 10 highballs prior to the accident. In addition, he had lost his license in a previous DUI seven years ago and was driving a truck with an inspection sticker that expired one year ago.

The windshield on Saito’s truck shattered and the body was noticeably dented from the collision. Also, there were witnesses on the street at the time as well as surveillance cameras. Likely realizing all this, Saito appeared to have made a cunning plan to elude law enforcement: He would paint his truck a different color.

However, as you might imagine, a repeat drunk driver unable to get a license or his vehicle inspected isn’t exactly the most industrious person in the world. And so, by the time police caught up with Saito, his vehicle had gone from a pure white truck to what can be seen in the following report.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eOcVyby5OM

Though he admitted to the hit and run, in fairness, Saito did not specifically cop to attempting to fool police by partially painting his vehicle a jaunty papaya orange. The timing of the paint job is highly suspect though, and readers of the news wasted no time in lining up to dunk on how bad it was.

“He can’t even paint. Is there anything he can do properly?”
“I bet his can of spray paint ran out.”
“I think we can all relate to getting bored of something partway through.”
“Maybe he realized how stupid it was halfway in.”
“That doesn’t even work in the newer GTA games.”
“Even with a can of spray paint, that’s a horrible job.”
“Why orange?”
“He’s probably a big 007 fan.”
“He really just made the truck stand out more.”
“So many layers… This is a crime Big Mac.”

It is a staggering number of violations to rack up in one fell swoop, but if there’s one bright orange side to this white truck of crime, it’s that Saito will be too busy paying for his crimes to do much drinking or driving for quite a while. Perhaps the judge will see fit to give him some painting work as community services, so he can brush up his skills in that too.

Source: FNN Online Prime, Hachima Kiko
Top image: Pakutaso
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