Nine-Patty Evangelion Cheeseburger has a 0.00001% Chance of Failing to Fill You Up (3D Photos)

The most recent theatrical installment of the long-running anime series Evangelion was released on Blu-ray and DVD on April 24. While it’s official English title is Evangelion: 3.33 You Can (Not) Redo, the film has a completely different Japanese title, Evangelion Theatrical Version: Q. Because if there’s one thing creators Studio Gynax hate, it’s giving a definitive answer on anything related to their mega-hit franchise.

But if there’re two things Gynax hates, the second is passing up a merchandising opportunity for Eva (as the fans call it), which is where the Evangelion Q cheese burger comes in with its nine patties.

Did we mention we bought two?

The pictures in this article can be seen in high-quality 3D. The MPO (3D photo data) zip file is available for download at http://goo.gl/FxePZ and can be viewed on your 3DS, PlayStation 3, or 3D-equipped TV or PC.

You see, Q sounds a lot like kyu, the Japanese word for the number nine. This sandwich’s official name is the “Q kyu-dan cheese burger,” with kyu-dan being a play on words for the Japanese phrase for “nine steps.” This is officially the point where the puns have gotten as thick as the cheese on this behemoth.

▼ Stick a lance in this burger, it’s (well) done

But that’s not all! Purchase these nine layers of meat and dairy and receive, for no additional cost, your very own Lance of Longinus! Reprising its role from Eva where it pierces monstrous entities from outer space, it now skewers this monstrous mass of beef. Why can’t all of our fast food meals come with tiny metal weapons? We were so psyched that at first we didn’t quite know what to do with ourselves, until one of our crew offered, “Why not smile?”

▼ A truly angelic morsel

We unwrapped our burger, and gazed in awe at a pile of meat that could only be described as the final stage of a beef instrumentality project. It was so juicily intimidating that when the fourth and final Eva film comes out, we won’t be one bit surprised if its climax features the cast taking to their giant robots to fend off an invasion of these giant, juicy cheeseburgers.

As with any fight against a colossal monster, we didn’t dream of taking this one on bare-handed. First we pinned the Q burger with our Lance of Longinus, then moved in for the kill. We chomped down, and after a nearly imperceptible pause, experienced the intense first impact of its flavor as the cheese synched perfectly with the juices from the meat.

As we continued eating, somehow each bite tasted even better than the last. Knowing that we mustn’t run away, we finished one whole Q burger, but with absolutely no room left in our stomachs for the other we had purchased. Instead we opted to take it home and savor its second impact later on.

After reading this, you might think we’re terrible gluttons. And you’d be right, but not necessarily because we ate three days’ worth of meat in one sitting. Lotteria, the fast food chain offering the Q burger, also has a 10-patty cheese burger as a permanent fixture on its menu. We think we showed commendable restraint in choosing the Q burger, and it’s only fair that we be rewarded for our virtue with a little something extra like the Lance of Longinus.

You can recreate this armed combat between man and meat at any Lotteria for 1,280 yen (US $13). For those of you who haven’t seen Eva yet, we recommend getting the sandwich to-go and eating it while watching the newly released Blu-ray. The anime itself is exactly as light and easy to digest as the Q burger.