It’s an age-old expression of a guy who wants something really badly, but who would have thought that a dude’s dangly bits could actually be indirectly used to acquire the goods or services he desired?

We can thank Mark Parisi for this revelation when he appeared on the American TV show The Doctors to share his lucrative ventures into being a medical guinea pig. The Las Vegas resident is hoping to parlay a donation of his testicle towards the purchase of a Nissan Fairlady Z (named 370Z outside of Japan).

The Japanese company’s Fairlady Z is certainly a nice piece of machinery, but it probably wouldn’t be on the top of my nut-giving wish list. To each his own, I suppose. However, several models of the car do appear to fall nicely into the going rate for a ball: US$35,000.

http://youtu.be/sgg4-1lVuFo

Parisi even states that this is the “standard fee” for testicles, making his no more special than yours or mine. Soak that in for a minute fellas, and for god’s sake uncross your legs. Every guy out there is potentially sitting on $70,000 worth of manhood.

Of course there are some limitations to this. The price tag of 70 grand only applies in the USA, which probably gives some of the best compensations for medical research donations in the world. Beyond that, I don’t think there’s a big market for balls in the international black market… though I could be wrong. Some things I feel more comfortable just not knowing.

Another catch, expertly explained by Kelly Phillips in Forbes.com, is Uncle Sam. Much like the doctors will do between Mr. Parisi’s legs, she thoroughly dissects the American tax code to come to the conclusion that his compensation for a testicle is absolutely taxable. The level to which it’s taxed depends on how much he’s earned from his previous tests.

In the end, it looks as if Mr. Parisi’s plan won’t completely cover the cost of the Japanese motor but would go a long way towards it. However, with the combined pain in the butt of taxes and pain in the nuts of the procedure, it just doesn’t seem worth it.

I’m buying a cup just in case though. My kid will have to go to university someday and these guys might come in handy.

Source: Autoblog (Japanese), Forbes, Left Lane, The Doctors (English)
Fairlady Image: Wikipedia – Hatsukari715
Video: YouTube – Jason Torchinsky