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A few months ago, BuzzFeed posted a video titled What Does the World Eat for Breakfast? The video’s representative morning meal for the United States – pancakes, eggs, and bacon – was an old-fashioned if not inaccurate choice, but we couldn’t say the same thing about the funky menu selected for Japan, which was unlike anything anyone on our team, Japanese natives included, had ever started their day with.

So when we heard the same crew was back with a new video about post-drinking foods from around the world, and that once again Japan was featured, we were both a little honored to be included, and a little worried about what would end up on the plate this time.

The new video, The Most Popular Drunk Foods Around The World, runs through a baker’s dozen of nations in just about two minutes, showcasing the foods their citizens go to eat “when bars close and parties end.” We’ll leave Japan for last, so let’s start with a peek at the delegates for the 12 other countries.

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Starting off with the U.S., BuzzFeed’s pick is a slice of pepperoni pizza. While we can’t fault the gastronomic merits of this combination, if we’re talking about where to go to satisfy your alcohol-induced munchies after you’ve already done your heavy drinking, pizza must be a regional choice. In Southern California, for example, you’ll have a much easier time finding an all-night Chinese restaurant or taco stand than pizza parlor.

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Acarje, while a popular food in Brazil, originally comes from Nigeria, and took root in the South American country when slaves were brought from West Africa. The balls of batter made from black-eyed peas are often covered with a mix of tomatoes, shrimp, and pepper sauce.

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Attesting to Canadian fortitude, French fries with gravy and cheese curds sounds like something that would wreck lesser stomachs already weakened by alcohol. Poutine is also tasty enough to be enjoyed sober, as evidenced by its appearance on menus at fast food chains such as McDonald’s and Burger King in Canada.

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China keeps things simple with skewers of meat and vegetables, which we’re sure are appreciated by inebriated expats who’re having trouble with chopsticks after one beer too many.

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The Czech Republic’s smazeny syr isn’t exactly the most vibrant food shown in the video, with a color palette consisting of light brown, off-white, pale yellow, and finally, more white. It does sound pretty tasty, though.

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England’s cheese and chips comes off like a higher-class version of American cheese fries, with its red onions and aoli, an originally French sauce made with garlic, olive oil, lemon juice, and egg yolks.

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“If it’s not broken, why fix it?” Germany seems to ask, as sausage and potatoes are also popular accompaniments for when people in the country start drinking.

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Iran’s take on pizza is similar to Italian pizza bianca, in that it foregoes tomato sauce.

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Even if you’ve never tried champ, it’s easy to see that it makes an ideal snack for the end of a night out, since the combination of scallions and chives probably puts a time limit on how long people will want to be talking with you in close quarters.

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Moving on to Italy, any sandwich that has two kinds of pork is worth eating in our book, even without such gourmet flourishes as onion marmalade.

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Really, is there ever a time when soft tacos are a bad choice? These ones could use a few more vegetables, though.

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The donor kebab gets its name from the doner, or rotating spit of meat from which the kebabs filling is sliced. Not only is it loved in its native Turkey, you can also find trucks selling it in the bar districts of the U.K. and Japan.

Of course, the doner kebab isn’t Japan’s #1 post-boozing food. So what is, according to BuzzFeed?

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Bullseye! BuzzFeed gets the call exactly right, as a ramen joint is always the last stop of a traditional Japanese pub crawl. Let’s see what extra details the video gives.

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Hmm…well, this is half-right, we guess. Some ramen restaurants in Japan make their broth from chicken stock, although soy sauce, miso, or pork stock broths are far more common.

Being half-right means it’s also half-wrong, though, as we can’t recall seeing beef stock ramen broth in Japan anytime recently, enticing as it may sound.

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Next we’re informed that ramen is a type of noodle, which is undeniably true. Not the most earth-shattering revelation, but at least the video’s back on its feet.

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Only to fall right on its face again with this head-scratcher. Ramen in Japan often contains diced green onions, and sometimes bean sprouts or fermented bamboo shoots. We’ve never been to a restaurant that puts broccoli in the bowl though.

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Whoa there, disembodied hands! Lime? Nope, not in ramen. We know a dash of it tastes great in Vietnamese pho, but Japan takes its noodles citrus-free.

Okay, there’s just one ingredient left to go. Can the video salvage its….unique take on Japanese ramen?

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Kind of. Yes, many restaurants do put an egg into their ramen, but it’s usually hard-boiled or stewed.

A lot of Japanese people do dump a raw egg into their soba or udon noodles though, which might be what the video’s makers were thinking of. Likewise, they may have mixed Japanese ramen up with noodle soups from other Asian countries, which would explain their inclusion of beef broth and lime juice. That still doesn’t explain the broccoli though.

Our theory? You have to go back and take a close, careful look at the video’s title. It’s not The Most Popular Foods For Drunks Around The World, it’s The Most Popular Drunk Foods Around The World. It’s the food that’s drunk, not the people eating it.

If you’ve ever stumbled home completely hammered, crashed in your entryway, and woken up in the morning to find you lost your belt somewhere, but did bring home someone’s Labrador retriever (though you can’t say whose), you know that some strange things can happen when you’ve had too much to drink.

After a hard day’s work, if a bowl of ramen wants to drink a six pack and experiment with limes, that’s nobody’s business but its own.

Source: YouTube, via Kotaku Japan
Video, images: YouTube