contradiction

Did you used to think that your teachers all lived in the school on the weekends? Lots of kids are shocked to discover one day that their teachers have private lives, families, and even friends outside of school. This collection of tweets are all from Japanese students – whose sometimes-cynical, sometimes-exhausted, pretty-much-always-awesome professors probably just wanted to remind them that teachers are people too.

That’s right – it’s time for a snappy little segment which we’ll be entitling, in honour of its Japanese hashtag equivalent, “This devastatingly amazing thing my teacher just told me!”

Kyoushi ni iwareta shougekiteki-na kotoba (#教師に言われた衝撃的な言葉) is a nifty little(!) tag that Twitter users have been using to attach to funny and cruel things their teachers have said. Shougekiteki, by the way, means:

“devastating; gut-wrenching; shocking; startling; sensational; astounding; astonishing”

which is a glorious example of a word that manages to have two seemingly opposite meanings simultaneously. It’s terrible and amazing! See, we told you Japanese was easy-peasy. Without further ado, let’s begin with a devastatingly beautiful philosophical musing:

“‘You do realise that gram-for-gram, furikake is more expensive than a Porsche?’ #devastatingthingsmyteachersaid”

https://twitter.com/jyositte/statuses/493048929173250049

Teacher: “You don’t need make-up. You’re cute without it.”
Girl: “But the other girls wear make-up!”
Teacher: “Yeah, but that’s because they’re ugly.”

Teacher during earthquake drill: “It’s fine. Unlike you lot, I have a family, so I’d leave you all behind and just get myself out alive. It’s every man for himself.”
The alarm goes off→ “CRAP!” *sprints off*

[Earthquake drills are held regularly in Japan – annually on a national level, and once a month at public elementary schools, for example.]

“The different parts of Disneyland have different meanings. East is the future and West is the past. North is dreaming and the South is reality. The North part has rides in both the East and the West. And the South has reality – the ATM.”

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Me: “Hey *giggles* if I said *lol* I wanted *giggle* to go to Tōdai, *snigger* would you help me?”
Teacher: *laughing* “You can’t make *haha* a statue out of a *hahaha* matchstick, can you now!?”

[Tōdai = University of Tokyo, the most prestigious university in Japan, and No. 1 in Asia.]

https://twitter.com/majisuka_sensei/statuses/493948654349070336

“Penguins are the only animal at the South Pole that can stand upright, so when they see humans from far away they think we’re penguins too. But when they see us close up they think they can be all like, ‘hey, something’s not quite right here!!’.”

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“Third grader over there! What grade are you in?!”

“Five minutes before the end of class, to everyone except the kid who’s sleeping: ‘Quick, let’s put the clock forward 10 minutes and everybody hide on the veranda!'”

https://twitter.com/sekaino_ai/statuses/492996128430764032

“When people cry, they cry “shikushiku” [noise of weeping in Japanese; sounds like the numbers 4,9,4,9]. When they laugh, they go “hahahaha” [sounds like 8,8,8,8]. 4×9=36 and 8×8=64, so put it together and you get 100! That means life is 36 percent sadness, and 64 percent happiness – almost twice as much happiness.”

What’s the most wonderfully terrible thing your teacher has ever said to you? If you’re a teacher, what things have your students said to you that’ve cracked you up? Let us know in the comments!

Source: Curazy JP
Top image: BringingTruth  Other images: Assistance Dogs of the West, tickld