Don’t you even think of trying to take it away from him.
As we’ve seen on multiple occasions in the past, Suzumaro, the cat owned by Japanese Twitter user @kokesukepapa, tends to think everything in this world belongs to him. Previously, it’s claimed @kokesukepapa’s young son’s chair and body heat as its own, and has also attempted to add a pack of the family’s kimchi to its personal assets.
But it looks like all of those were nothing compared to what Suzumaro truly desires: dominion over the world’s tissue boxes.
相変わらず、妖怪がティッシュ箱を潰しながら威圧してくるため、
— こけ助パパ (@kokesukepapa) April 12, 2016
ティッシュ使えません pic.twitter.com/U82xFSvMEB
鼻かみたいんだが、妖怪がティッシュ箱を潰してるため、
— こけ助パパ (@kokesukepapa) April 1, 2016
トイレまで行ってトイレットペーパーで鼻をかむ飼い主 pic.twitter.com/RfcWANKvKN
ご飯食べようと思ったけど、テーブルの上で「妖怪の集会」が開催されているようだし、真ん中にいるリーダー格の灰色の妖怪が、ティッシュ潰しながらメッチャにらんできて怖いので、テーブルで食事するのは諦めます pic.twitter.com/tsvDotE8Y7
— こけ助パパ (@kokesukepapa) March 24, 2016
Whenever @kokesukepapa sets out a new box of tissues, in short order Suzumaro saunters over and lies atop it, while making sure to put enough of its body weight on the box to partially crush it. What’s more, it gives some seriously smouldering stink eye while it does it.
▼ “It’s got an expression like a demon while it crushes the box. I’m starting to see those ears as horns instead.”
鬼のような表情でティッシュ箱を潰している。
— こけ助パパ (@kokesukepapa) February 29, 2016
耳が「ツノ」に見えてきた。 pic.twitter.com/eL39KTykmv
▼ “I want to say, ‘Hey, don’t crush the box!’, but it looks so angry that I’m too scared to correct it.”
「いいかげんティッシュ箱つぶすんじゃあないよ!」って叱りたいけど、
— こけ助パパ (@kokesukepapa) January 15, 2016
なぜか怒りの表情でティッシュ箱つぶしてる為、怖くて叱れない pic.twitter.com/DjBDca3wrs
As a matter of fact, @kokesukepapa finds his pet so intimidating as it sits there like a role-playing game dragon on a pile of treasure that he’s taken to just going to the bathroom and grabbing a piece of toilet paper when he needs to blow his nose.
▼ It’s not entirely clear why the cat feels the need to crush the tissue boxes, but maybe it’s trying to reshape them and create the perfect pillow.
我が家では、灰色の妖怪様がティッシュ箱を枕としておつかいになられている時、ティッシュの使用は控えなければなりません
— こけ助パパ (@kokesukepapa) March 22, 2016
さらに今日は、テーブルの端っこギリギリにティッシュ枕を置いて寝るという大技を披露してくれています pic.twitter.com/I2hEMhoyrx
Of course, given Suzumaro’s personality, none of this is too surprising. His avarice isn’t limited to material possessions, either. He clearly also hungers for all of the attention, as he mugs for the camera…
「パソコンに触れた瞬間、咬みついてやる」と言わんばかりの妖怪が、
— こけ助パパ (@kokesukepapa) April 10, 2016
パソコン横でスタンバイしてるため、パソコンに触るのが怖いです。
(案の定、手を出した瞬間に咬まれました) pic.twitter.com/BtGVt5Omk1
and seems to take issue with the lens being pointed at anyone else.
▼ Oh, you wanted to shoot a cute video of your wife and kid? Well enjoy the finale: my butthole!
ママが子供に絵本を読み聞かせてあげている所を撮影してたら、露出狂の妖怪がお尻&玉々を見せつけにきた時の映像です pic.twitter.com/ZCw441nG5m
— こけ助パパ (@kokesukepapa) March 19, 2016
Still, Suzumaro isn’t in a bad mood all the time. Just look how cheerful and cute he gets when his owner scratches him under the chin!
ティッシュ潰しながら、めっちゃにらんでくるくせに、
— こけ助パパ (@kokesukepapa) February 6, 2016
手を出すと甘えてくるツンデレな灰色 pic.twitter.com/vIDaVnmJcE
But this being Suzumaro, sometimes even his grins have a distressingly evil aura to them.
▼ We don’t know what this cat has planned, but it’s definitely something diabolical.
身体をひねりながらグリグリとティッシュ箱を潰しています
— こけ助パパ (@kokesukepapa) March 21, 2016
新しいティッシュ出すと、必ず妖怪が潰します pic.twitter.com/9L1aXsbvcg
Source: Togech, Twitter/@kokesukepapa

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