Whenever there’s a slow news day at the office, we do what any journalist would and attempt to toy with the forces of nature.

One day our reporter PK Sanjun was sitting down and contemplating his own mortality. Just then he spotted widespread internet rumors of a fish, a pond loach to be exact, that could return to life. These loaches were quickly frozen alive and sold to fishermen as bait but their makers claim that they may “come back to life.”

“What a terrible way to go in the first place,” thought PK. Then it all came together and he realized what needed to be done.

If he could resurrect these fish poor frozen fish, it would give him some hope that someone else may free him from the icy grave he might one day find himself in. Heck, it worked for Han Solo, Captain America, and Demolition Man to name but a few of our modern religious figures — why not fish?

Next stop was the bait shop!

Here, PK found three-packs of “rapidly frozen alive loaches” whose package even proudly proclaimed “may on rare occasion return to life.”

PK asked the clerk whether he had seen any loaches come back from the dead. The clerk, who clearly had been asked that before, simply replied, with a smile, “Can’t say that I have.”

That made sense to PK though and didn’t dampen his optimism any. After all, why would a fisherman using the loaches as bait care if they came back to life or not. He probably just didn’t notice.

Back at the office, PK set up what he insisted was a “natural habitat” for the loaches; a metal bucket filled with tap water. He then began to free the fish one by one from their cold plastic tombs.

Our writer had bought 13 packs for a total of 39 fish, this number was based on his own interpretation of one in 39 as being enough to classify as “on a rare occasion.”

Once all the fish were returned home, the rest of the staff, infected by PK’s enthusiasm, gathered around to witness the miracle of life.

Their eyes darted from fish to fish scanning for any twitch or sign of life. But nothing happened — of course the thawing process would take some time, and they were willing to wait.

However, after 10 minutes, some of that willingness began to dwindle and eyes began to wonder to other parts of the room for something more interesting.

After 20 minutes, there was no change and the staff began foraging for snacks.

When 30 minutes had passed, everyone had gone back to work.

After 40 minutes, people began asking why Mr. Sato had left his lunch out in the middle of the floor again.

In 50 minutes, all but PK had completely forgotten about this brief flirtation with immortality.

And by the end of the hour, PK had given up on his experiment.

PK: “Live! Liiiiiiiiive, you jerks!!!”

There was occasional movement in the bucket caused by slight tremors or gusts from the air conditioner and the odd bubble emerged from a fish, although that was probably just escaping air from the thawing process.

Certainly none of these fish were reanimating today, and a darkness descended on PK as he then knew that neither would he. When his time came, that would be it.

Even worse, at around the 17 minute mark, PK had hatched a scheme to use two of his resurrected fish to start a breeding program and develop a race of super loaches that he could sell for top dollar and eventually become the bait king of the greater Kanto area.

However, that dream was also shattered and its pieces lay on the ground like the pile of dead fish he was now staring at.

In the end, PK learned that life is precious and you truly only get one chance before you’re rapidly frozen and sealed in plastic. Resurrections aren’t just “very rare” like the package suggested, they’re “super rare,” so you might as well take every opportunity to taste life and try to revive dead fish — if that’s what floats your boat.

He also learned, after searching the internet, that many animals like insects and even fish can enter a state of hibernation before being frozen and then appear to return to life when they are actually just waking up. He probably should have checked that first…

Original article by PK Sanjun
Photos & Video: RocketNews24
[ Read in Japanese ]